


He Dreams Of Paradise

by Our_Dreams_never_die



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Actors, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Depression, Eventual recovery, Explicit Sexual Content, Fame, Fighting, Forgiveness, Fourtune, Frerard, Friendship/Love, Hate, Love, M/M, Pain, Past Abuse, Present Abuse, Recovery, Smut, friendships, happiness, porn actor, pornstar!Gerard, producer!Frank, relationships, self hate, soon to be happy ending, there's going to be a happy ending trust me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2017-11-29 21:36:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 39,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/691713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Our_Dreams_never_die/pseuds/Our_Dreams_never_die
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Famous porn star, Gerard Way, is tired of the business he agreed to. He wishes for his way to find some sort of peace and Frank, a lawful producer, finds himself attracted to the devastating beauty of Gerard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, new one here hope you love my work<3

Gerard never seen his life playing out the way it is now with his legs spread out and a random guy between them. Jacob was an actor who was paid to be an ass hogging monster who believes just because he’s a porn star every girl will actually fall in love with him. Gerad's sore and his cock lays almost limp if it wasn’t for the viagra they gave him before video. He’s already came over his own stomach but he was just waiting for this buff dude to finish with him. The cameras snapped around him catching his every face he faked. Every fake orgasm he cried out for.  
  
“Stupid whore, you like this huh?” On the inside, jacob’s words hurt but right now he had to stay in character if he wanted the money. Arching out his back, Gerard flipped his hair back and wailed like the little bitch he was made to be. “Yes! Fuck me!” Without much warning he finally came and Gerard could’ve sung for relief when the warmth filled his tight hole and dripped onto the once clean bedsheets. Smirking down at him, Jake rubbed his toned and sore stomach before planting another useless kiss on his quivering lips.  
  
“Cut!” As easy as it happened Jake fell out and scoffed. “He wasn’t as good as you said he’d be.” He glanced at Gerard with eyes that held nothing but pure malice and Gerard narrowed his eyes at him. “It was hard to get off.” Slowly, he sat up and grabbed his robe from under the makeshift bed and shook out his hair pulling his robe on as he stood. “Very good, Gerard.” He glanced at Kathy, one of the sweetest girl he knew and gave a small smile that never reached his eyes anymore. His hazel eyes were just... Vacant.  
  
“Thanks.” He mumbled before stalking off to the shower in his dressing room. He felt empty all the time feeling used out. Porn wasn’t made for him but it sure made him enough money to afford a mansion like the playboys. Everyone knew who he was, he went as the Fair Haired maiden in the videos. Always bottoming. He wasn’t one to be on top anyways but that was besides the point. His life had turned into a vacant black hole that just sucked him down farther and farther as each day that went on.  
  
He found himself spending his nights along with Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan drowning deep in the pits of his sorrow. He turned the water hot enough to scald his pale skin and he sighed. He kept his back to the mirror until he stepped in and shut the curtain. That’s when he fell to his knees and let his thought flounder on around him. He remembered when he was younger when his video got leaked of him and his college roommate having a drunken affair. That’s when his career sprouted from the ground.  
  
It was fun at first, being eighteen and having sex with hot guys and dating a few somewhat celebrities. It all ended when some stupid as actor decided he was gonna take advantage of him and sell him off to some next big thing. Before he knew it Gerard’s bae body covered many adult magazines and Adult stores. He began to wonder if his happiness was ever gonna end and boy did it end quickly. He wanted to quit one day after thinking he found the perfect man and the contract bound him to the job. He was forced to work, no way out.  
  
Fame wasn’t as good as it looked it felt like you were always trapped in an animal and you gotta fake it out to the end. He faked his smiles, faked the sex, and now he was faking his existence it seemed. He wanted someone to talk to about it but since his first debut his mother shunned him and Mikey, his younger brother became some successful lawyer. Like Gerard, he too was always busy, winning against homicidal maniacs and criminals alike. His father had been right when he said this wasn’t proper life for him and now he sat in the steaming shower panting for his emotions.  
  
He wanted to cry, he wanted to ball up and just cry until he couldn’t feel his surroundings anymore. Of course he couldn’t find them. His chest tugged and pulled and tightened and completely wrecked his body with shivers pure and cold as the winter air outside. “Gerard?” There was a light knock on the door to his bathroom and he swallowed trying to contain his emotions. “Yes?” The voice was light and almost scared to ask for anything, “Are you alright in there?”  
  
Smiling humorlessly to himself, Gerard looked in the direction of the door from under his damp strands of hair that hung on his cheekbones. “Yes. Just taking a quick shower.” The sound of a hum and quiet footsteps slowly faded as the click of the dressing room door shut and he glanced back down seeing his blotchy red skin. He scrubbed hard at skin trying to erase any evidence of his whoring job and he let out a pained cry of agony. He was so numb it hurt him to think of going back home alone.  
  
He wanted to get out and un as far as he could but it was fucking impossible.  
  
Once out he glanced at his reflection and met his eyes and blanched. His green eyes were wide and ever ounce of despair swirled around his irises. He began to pant again before he gritted his teeth and glared at himself. “Fucking whore. That’s the only good thing you are. No one gives a shit for your feelings!” He gripped the porcelain sink, tendones sticking out from his hands and arms and he growled. _“Sick!”_ He glanced at himself and felt somethinginside of him shatter.  
  
He was a mess.  
  
He wanted to escape, go somewhere where it’d be no harsh feelings anymore. He shut his eyes and began to think of himself sitting in the middle of a bright green pastures with no clouds in the bright blue sky. He sat wearing all black and painting the scenery he was growing to adore. Scents of flowers, nature, swept past him and he smiled. His wind blew in the gentle breeze and opened his eyes. He wasn’t there. He was still in the same dingy fucking porn bathroom.  
  
He shakily pulled on a pair of jeans and a Metallica shirt before heading out into the empty dressing room. The front desk was empty meaning everyone else had left for the day and that left Gerard all alone now. Again. He walked out the back of the studio to his Trans Am and shook out his hair, scrunching the damp mess a bit and starting the engine. He drove down the roads playing Nickelback as loud as he could to escape the thoughts he could feel threatening to ravish him more and finally finish him off.  
  
He pulled into an old run down diner his parents used to take a few miles from home and smiled to himself. The seventies styled lights flitted and faded on some parts with chipped baby blue paint that faded from moments of intense weather damage. He knew an old waitress that used to give him free coffee in the mornings on the way to work or school, she died last year keeping Gerard in her thoughts. He got part of her old tape collections where he never bothered to touch but keep in a safe place. He walked inside and sat at the old barstool.  
  
“Well, look who it is!” A bright amber haired woman came skating up to him handing him his usual steaming coffee and he couldn’t help but smile at her. “Hey, Ms. Carol.” Ms. Carol was one of his grandmother’s greatest friends who knew all about Gerard's fame but never judged him for it. Since her passing Gerard always counted on her. “You haven’t been around in a while. How’s life?”  
  
He could’ve snorted like a smart ass and mumbled something about it being completely fine when it really wasn’t, but instead he just grinned. “Everything is completely okay. Better than good actually.” She appraised him with intense crystal blue eyes that said she didn’t believe him but she didn’t ask anymore questions. “What’ll it be, sugar?” Gerard shrugged and handed in his menu. “The usual.” She nodded and kissed his head before disappearing back to the kitchen where he could hear her usual cry of orders and numbers.  
  
He giggled to himself and shook his head before leaning on his elbow and watching the news report in the corner. “Death is all it comes down to...” He muttered to himself, running his fingers through his tangled nest of black hair. “You got that right.” He glanced up to see a small woman, maybe forty years of age, looking at him. “It’s pretty hard to hold onto sanity these days. So much hate and confusion.” He nodded in agreement. “It’s a tough life to live, I agree.” “But you’re young, you haven’t seen the worst yet.” That made him give her a cold glance. “How would you know?” He snapped.  
  
The woman sat looking unashamed. “It happens. You haven’t seen the worst yet until you’ve lived enough to see the bad.” He scoffed, this woman was nuts. “You don’t believe me yet, but you will. You haven’t lived enough.” Seriously? “I have seen a lot of bad in my life-” “Just not all.” She interrupted with a soft little smile. “You’ll see.” She winked and faced back to the TV saying no more.  
  
He just shook his head and looked over at Ms. Carol as she skated over and set the blue basket of food in front of him. “This will be for free, I can tell you’ve had a bad day.” He looked at her, blinking. “You can..?” She nodded and frowned. “Baby, I’ve seen you a lot when you were down and that is definitely what I see when I look at you. Your manager giving you a fit?” That’s a way to put it. “Yeah, just a hard day.” She nodded in understanding and ruffled his hair gently. “Your mom asked about you the other day...”  
  
Gerard’s eyes widened and he almost choked on his fries. “Really?” She nodded, rubbing his arm. “She was wondering how you were. I-” “If she wanted to know, he could just call me!” He said in distress, eyebrows furrowing together. “I know, I know.” Carol soothed. “I told her that.” “And she said?” He pressed, staring at her with skeptical eyes. She bit her lip as if he didn’t wanna hear what she had to say about the subject. Slowly, he went limp and looked down at his hands. “I understand...” He whispered softly.  
  
“Thanks.” She pressed her hands on Gerard’s but he slowly pulled them back. “I’ve got work early tomorrow. Thanks for everything, Ms. Carol.” She nodded and rubbed her little wrinkled face. “See you again someday, Mr. Way.” The woman that was sitting next to Gerard glanced up at him and spoke to his retreating figure, “You can get out before it’s too late, y’know.”  
  
Little did she know, he was in far too deep to get out already.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank sees him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with this one, it's not the best I've done to be honest. Studying and shit gets in the way. Next chapter will be better <3

Gerard woke with a thick pain in his bottom area and he groaned debating on whether or not even getting up at all. He really hadn’t had the chance to relax in the past few weeks unfortunately. Just as he went to turn over to dream more about curling up under a violet starlit night his phone buzzed on his nightstand. “Oh, fuck off...” He sighed. His manager, Allen, was calling. Oh boy. “Hello?” “Gee! It’s nice to see you’re awake!” “Yeah well,” He grumbled as he rose from his bed, pulling his blanket around his fit waist more and shook out his bed head. “I’m not so pleased to be woken by someone I’m not ready to deal with this early.”  
  
Allen tsked and sighed. “Oh, Gerard. Always the moodiest. Actually, they have a new project they want you to do. How do you feel being in a threesome?” He nearly choked on his spit in disbelief. “You fucking nuts?” He demanded. He clawed at his sheets and gritted his teeth. “I’m not some whore, I don’t do group shit!” Tears were burning behind his eyes, chest tightening horribly.  
  
Is that all he was good for?   
  
“I’m not a whore...” He spoke softly. “I’m not doing that...” Allen sighed again and shook his head on the other line. Gerard kept his eyes on his dark curtains that blocked out the sunlight thanks to his mother knowing the best parts of him. “Well, then we’re just gonna have to find another one. Thanks anyways, Gee.” “You-” The line buzzed before he could reply and he tossed his phone. Grabbing his hair he shut his eyes tightly refusing to fucking move.  
  
His heart raced with emotions he didn’t wanna deal with right now. “Happy place, happy place...” He whispered to himself as he maintained an even breath. “You can do it, paradise, paradise,” he chanted before giving up and tossing his pillow at his Metallica poster and screaming. Screamed for all it was worth, until his throat ran dry. “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”   
  
All went still and quiet except for his panted breath and harsh heaving of his chest. He probably looked insane with his hair a fucked up mess, hazel eyes wide and mouth biting on his lip so hard blood was bubbling to the little parts he bit into. It was true all along that to everyone that he was only good to be used for a whore. used for a little good fuck and it was really fucking challenging to get through the day knowing that stupid fact.  
  
He felt like an animal at a zoo caged and chained down being put on display just for laughs and pleasures of faces you’ll never fucking remember later. in fact; that’s exactly what he was. just an animal to be showed off and used. His heart slowed temporarily as he let his own thoughts dwindle down into the pit of his stomach and dag his emotions with it.  
  
His stomach tumults and whirls like wind in a storm and he could feel his face getting greener with each second ticking by. He couldn't lose anymore weight than he already has been fighting so hard to maintain. He treaded from his room to his kitchen to brew some coffee. He made his usual bacon and waffle breakfast in a microwave since he felt too drained to do much more.  
  
He passed his studio not bothering to look at the abandoned paintings, sculptures, pictures, and even some old trophies from his days in high school. He had one from college he won at an art convention for one of his best made paintings and he still felt proud of it even as of today. Turning on the TV he looked for something at least a bit interesting and just gave up completely. He settled on A Thousand Ways to Die and nibbled his bacon. He’s always had a tough stomach for the gory stuff.   
  
*  
  
“Gerard Way, on set!” He sat on the little bed and crossed his legs staring at the new producers around him. Few were girls, some others were horny forty year olds that eyed him like he was something to eat. Swallowing, he let out a nervous breath and glanced down at his spidery hands. He wasn’t liking this crew very well. They were treating him as if he were prey.  
  
In a way he was prey, prey to their dirty dreams. “Paradise...” He whispered to himself as he ducked under his dark locks sheltering himself away in his head. He was somewhere where nothing or no one could hurt him. He remained that way throughout the whole fifteen minutes he waited for his partner to come in. Slowly, he looked up and caught eyes with Kathy who watched him worriedly, mouthing something along the lines of asking him if he was okay.   
  
He simply nodded and gave a tiny smile that didn’t reach his eyes. She shook her head and watched his face, searching his eyes for some sign of truth. The man next to her, Frank iero, was watching with just as much curiosity. He’d watched a few of Gerard Way’s videos and movies and even he had to say himself Gerard was unique. He was gorgeous in a way he never thought was possible for any man.  
  
His skin was so white and tender it looked almost translucent, eyes that were the color of honey one day, the color of chocolate the next, and then as emerald as his boss’s fake grass. He moved with a soft grace that almost seemed like he was a fragile angel sent to bless this fucked up world. Though he never smiled there was something, to Frank, that made him more gorgeous in person.   
  
When Gerard’s eyes flickered to his Frank swore he felt his heart stop as they just sat staring at each other. Gerard’s brow furrowed in curiosity and tipped his head as he searched his wide hazel eyes. There was a connection Gerard just couldn’t place as he watched the emotions flicker through this little man’s eyes. He had an innocent look with round dimples and a structured jawline. He had a black mohawk with almost white sides to really make his face more prominent. He didn’t look like the others but more... Surprised.  
  
He was scrawnier than the others. Shorter. He had to be a twink if he could guess. He had soft plump lips and a smile that almost made Gerard smile back. He had pretty white teeth and a gleaming lip ring. Usually Gerard would be against that kind of stuff but this man was... beautiful. He honestly was and it made him think a bit as they just stared at each other in wideout wonder.  
  
He looked as if he wasn’t expecting Gerard to feel his gaze, or maybe it was the fact that he was one of Gerard’s fans who have been dying to see him live. Something, he didn't know what, something was telling him that wasn’t the case. “Gerard. Gerard!” There was a sharp smack to his head and he glanced up to see Matt standing there. “Get ready, camera rolls.” He blushed horribly as he realized he was about to get intimate in front if this stranger. He never cared before, but now, it was scarier than his work itself.  
  
The scene went by with stop and go progressions of changing positions, poses and frequent bitching. “Gerard!” Allen stomped over and grabbed his face a little roughly. “You need to get your fucking head in this. I cannot afford to lose money because you were making googly eyes with some other person.” Gerard sighed heavily, eyes lowering and nodded. “I’m sorry, sir.” Allen nodded and brushed his fingers off on his crisp suit. “Continue!”   
  
Gee continued to arch his back, move his hips, scream, moan, cry, with every direction. He faked it all until he felt his stomach suddenly pain and felt as if he was being gutted and he gasped hard. “S-Stop! Stop!” He cried. Not noticing the pain he was feleing Allen grinned. “There you go, Gerard!” He looked so proud but with each hard thrust Gerard felt himself bottoming out in the worst way possible. His emotions were skyrocketing and he felt his senses giving way.  
  
“Paradise...” He moaned out, shutting his eyes. That’s exactly where he went. He smiled, pure and wonderful. Frank was mesmerized as he watched his pale body arch up and his fingers play in his dark locks. Gerard bit his lip with the cutest smile possible and let out soft content moans with each thrust before wrapping his veiny hand around his cock and jerking off with swift, pro strokes and cumming over his stomach.  
  
Frankie bit his lip as he watched the beauty relax and open his eyes. Gerard’s pupils dilated as he watched the happiness in his fade and he swore, for a minute, he was gonna burst into tears. He was back in the same fucking room. “Cut! That was-” He was up and gone before the director could finish. He sat in his dressing room with a bottle of vodka and a blank TV that remained off. His stomach was hurting worse than he thought and he really wanted to leave. “Drinking already?”   
  
Frank walked in and sat in a chair across from him and he smiled. “I’m Frank Iero, one of the new producers here. I couldn’t help but noti-” “Yeah,” he snapped. “Everyone notices me here. No, I won’t do any extra favor for you. Sorry.” A little taken back, Frank scoffed. “So that’s what they do around here.” He leaned forward on his elbows and looked over Gerard slowly. His eyes were vacant and looked just as plain as an empty canvas.   
  
He really was gorgeous even with the distraught look he had on his features. “You really shouldn’t be drinking this early though...” He advised. Gerard just shrugged and took another swig of it letting the taste make him gag and burn his throat with each one. “There’s nothing better to do, really.” He snapped.  
  
Frank locked his jaw and stared at the man with a determined expression. “Look, I’m not sure what’s wrong, but you can’t just sit sulking. Wanna go get lunch? I’ll buy.” Gerard glanced at him with a speculative expression. Frank didn’t seem like the type of guy that would wanna destroy him. “No.” He looked at the bottle and swished it around a bit. “Not hungry.”   
  
“Great.” Frank smirked and giggled. He looked at the shorter man and almost - almost - blushed. It was so fucking cute. “That gives us more time to know each other.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this as kind of a filler, so please bear with me. Finals are exhausting me so I apologize if this is shorter and not as well thorough as my past chapters. I promise things will get better from here once the finals are over. Thank you all for the kudos and all the encouragement, you guys rock (:

Frank’s POV

It wasn’t a surprise when he pulled up to his house that he was met with his mother’s Corolla parked in the front part of his driveway. He smiled to himself and stubbed out his cigarette on the ground when he got out and walked towards his door when it was flung open and he was greeted by his mother. She beared a great smile that was always contagious. His own grin danced across his lips as his excitement about his new job boiled over in his head. “How was it?” Linda asked sensing her son’s glint in his eyes. “Oh God, mom!” Frank gushed with a smile sounding like a high school girl. “I’ve got to tell you - It was amazing!”

He plopped down on the couch and grabbed Mama, his oldest dog and petted her greying head and smiled at his mother. She tucked part of her black curls behind her ear and smiled at him and wondered how he didn’t get this excited when he actually went for the interview. “Really?” Frank nodded and bounced in his seat. “I met quite a few well known stars.” He put emphasis on the last word.

See, Linda wasn’t so sure somebody like her little Frankie could take a job like this where he was working for a porn business but just as long as he was happy and wasn’t becoming part of the videos, she believed everything would be okay. “Like?” “Gerard Way. They were live filming.” He frowned a little. “It’s not as fun nor as real as you’d think.” “I tried to tell you,” Linda said sympathetically with a soft suck on her teeth. “Yeah, I’m glad I didn’t try out for an actor now.”

She smiled and shook her head gently pressing her red lips to her son’s dimples. He scrunched his nose and whines but just scrubbed at his cheek with the sleeve of his hoodie. “Ma!” She held her hands up. “Okay, okay my bad! I came to make you dinner-” “You didn’t have to, I’m okay...” They made brief eye contact and in his mom’s hazel eyes he saw how tired and run down the really looked with baggy eyes and wrinkled face. Frank knew his mom overworked herself a lot. “Mom, really... Go home and relax...”

She gave a small tired smile. “I am relaxing, I just wanted to come and see how your day was Frankie...” Frank sighed but smiled and leaned on her. What would he do without his mom? Speaking of that... He sat up abruptly with a serious look on his face and his mother startled at his sudden action. “I met Gerard Way.” It didn’t quite dawn on him until now.

He met Gerard fucking Way, the porn star.

“Was he at least nice to you?” She wondered, not bothered by his reaction and repetition. Frank shrugged as if to say so-so. “The guy looked pretty stressed out... Pornography isn’t exactly what it used to be...” She rose an eyebrow with a teasing smirk. “And what do you know about original filming?” She challenged and he shoved her lightly and laughed. “Ma!” She grinned and sipped her coffee and sighed contently. “It’s true though hollywood isn’t exactly all rainbows and butterflies.” She lied a comforting hand on his knee and stroked it with her thumb.

“It’s exactly why I want you to be careful, Frankie...” Her eyes looked tired and longing but all the wiser. “I don’t want you ended up miserable and heartbroken.” He gave an encouraging smile and nodded at her. “You ain’t gotta worry, ma. I’ll kick anyone’s ass who tries lying a hand on me.” She smiled. “That’s my Frankie.” They sat in a comfortable silence as a rerun of That 70’s Show played. “You know, I was a lot like them in the seventies.”

He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes and shook his head. “There is no fuck-” Linda gave him a cold eye and he sunk down a bit down before he finished meekly, “There is no way you were like that.” She laughed and nodded. “Of course, why else do you think I let you get away with smoking weed in my house, Kitten?” She lied a kiss on his forehead. Frank whined but didn’t bother to wipe it away. “Maaaa!”

“I was a rebel just like you were. Don’t ever let a pretty face con you, Frankie.” She winked but to Frank that had a deeper meaning. His mind wandered off to Gerard Way during filming and to whom he saw after in the dressing room swigging an alcoholic beverage before lunch. The fear and anguish in his eyes once the cameras cut off was so surreal it almost cut him in half seeing it. A pretty face can lie to you just as easily as words can.

“Yeah...” He mumbled softly and stretched out his legs to let them rest on the coffee table. He ran his hand down his flat stomach and mumbled, “Damn, I already need a beer.” His mother shot him a cross glare and he laughed at her. “What you need is a bar of soap for your mouth.” “Nah, just a taste of my Mama’s lovely cooking.” She laughed at him but put an arm around his shoulders and let her little baby snuggle into her side just like he used to as a child.

He was pretty sure that no matter how old he was he’d never outgrow his mama’s hugs.

Gerard’s POV

Gerard was more than relieved when he was finally able to walk up to his apartment and plop down on the velvet couch with a beer in hand. He sipped it slowly as he let his aching legs relax into themselves again. He could use a long bath with The Smiths playing. That’s what he did. The giant bathtub was more like an indoor jacuzzi but with bubbles and pomegranate smelling bath salts. He stepped in with the jets on low and let his muscles relax.

He didn’t have to be anywhere else for the rest of this week and it was more than rare to not have work. He let a small smile grace his lips as he slipped under the pulsing bubbles and let his joints relax. Everything was eased but his ever working mind. The Frank Iero guy seemed more than determined to get to know him and he himself was curious if this new found creature.

Frank Iero, producer, possible undercover twink. Hm.

He lifted himself back up and flipped back his damp black hair wiping the water from his dark lashes. He sang to himself softly to the music playing and glanced at his reflection in the TV in front of him and frowned. His circles under his eyes were getting darker, face more swollen from lack of sleep. He was pasty white almost like a true vampire. He cringed and turned the music down before playing something on MTV Rocks to try to escape the ghastly sight of himself without having another emotional breakdown. He let his mind wander away like a child in a park and found himself focused on word-for-word the quotes of Kurt Cobain.

Maybe he’d be like him someday. Make himself a prophecy in the pornography world and go out with a bang. Something dramatic and attention catching, a surprise. He wasn’t gonna love much longer. If he was lucky, Gerard would give himself another two years maybe a year and a half before he finally ended up doing himself over and calling it out. No one would care anyways. Who’d be at his funeral?

He sunk lower into the bubbles and huffed out his nose. He really just needed to fucking relax himself he was far too exhausted to feel anymore self pity tonight. His phone rang and he glanced up, eyebrows furrowing together. Wiping his hand on a towel by the tub he picked up his phone and felt his heart stop. “Mikey?” The TV went muted as he listened for a response. “Hey there, Gee... Been a while...” suprise was etched on his features causing his brows to furrow. Why was he choosing now to call?

"Y-yeah, uh..." He sat up, water sloshing over the line. "Are you finally bathing?" He could hear the smile in his voice and he had to admit it was comforting. "Yeah, hard to believe it eh?" Mikey chuckled and kicked at the rocks outside his house. It was more than comforting hearing from his older brother again. The grudges needed to be put aisde, Gerard's voice confirmed it. It sounded... Hollow like an oak tree. "Yeah... Gee, I... Missed you..." "I missed you more, Mikes..." He replied softly feeling his heart stop at the smallness of his voice. "I never see you over anymore. Not even for Christmas. I'm not mad at you anymore..." Tears filled his eyes and he willed them back. Gerard picked up on the sniffle and sighed softly. "Don't cry..."

"How can I not, Gee? It's been so long... It doesn't feel the same anymore..." Gerard agreed but he didn't dare speak his mind on how low he's fallen. Not yet atleast. He told his brother everything guess that's why it was a shock when he opened up about being a porn star. It made him lose all respect for himself and he knew Mikey felt let down more than anyone. Gerard was taking it up the ass for everyone to see. He wondered if anyone ever bugged Mikey about it. Guilt struck his chest like an on the run train and he swallowed thicly. Poor Mikes... "Gee, you there?" Mikey asked as he stopped moving and frowned down at his feet, brushing his blond hair back. 

"Y-yeah, sorry..." He smiled weakly. "Wanna come over? I got the new Halo..." Mikey stated. "I can still kick your ass at it..." Gerard, for once, smiled at that. "We'll see." "I'll text you my adress. Hurry up and wash your ass and come over! I ordered pizza." Gerard settled back and turned off the music on the radio above him with a satisfied little smile. "Vegetarian pizza, right?" He asked. Mikey snorted, "Yes, now stop sidetracking. Asshole." He hung up afte that and for once Gerard found himself smiling at the empty room.

Mikey really wanted to see him... He missed him... Gerard missed him twice as much and now he got to hug him even if this was the last time he'd see him... Gerard's smile fell at the thought of Mikey disowning him again. He'd probably see him and turn his back like he did before and leave him feeling twice as shit. Fuck that, more like five times the shit. He couldn't deal with that again, but he would manage.

He handled dissapointment really well. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey was my best friend after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the final update for the next two weeks as of finals and all yeah, yeah the same preach. BUT, I wanna thank you guys. Thank you to momiji_neyuki for all the love and support, not to mention the badass stories she writes i'm obsessed with. I love you all (total homo)

_“What is love to you, Gee?” Gerard glanced over at a young thirteen year old Mikey and frowned. “Why do you ask?” He replied while the thin kid set up his Star Wars figurines in another battle scene of Darth Vader and Darth Maul. He wanted to correct him but instead he let his imagination take flight. “I’m curious. Girls were talking about love and how sex meant he loved you.” “Do you think it’s true?” Mikey shrugged and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose before glancing up with wide eyes and blinked. The two brothers stared each other down before his mousy voice finally broke the silence, “I think you don’t know love until you meet that one person. That’s what love is. You just know.”_

Gerard once again combed his fingers through his dark locks and tugged down his tight fitting shirt over his just as tight jeans and let out a ragged sigh of nervousness. His fingers shook slightly as he leaned on his driver’s side door self consciously pulling and tugging at his clothes and himself. He knew Mikey had once seen him at his worst but coming and looking like shit himself made him feel repulsed and disrespectful towards him.

The lights from the front windows shone brightly and he smiled - just a little - to himself knowing that Mikey was in there waiting for him again. Probably bouncing by the door looking like the same as he’d last seen him with his pointy nose and perfect sculpted jaw line. Unlike himself, Mikey didn’t have issues with his looks like Gerard did. He’d always been perfect.

It’s no wonder his family didn’t seemed surprised when he came out a porn star.

He made his way up the gravel driveway listening to the way his boots crunched as he walked and cursed himself for being so loud. He frowned, so much for being a surprise. He rapped his knuckles on the door and Mikey wrenched it open before tackling Gerard in a bearing hug. Gerard tensed in mostly - shock. His eyes widened and he found his arms winding back around his younger brother in nothing more than a loving hug. He was different now, instead of mousy brown hair he was now a yellow blond with a very, very bad sugar cookie tan. He’d gained a few more pounds in nothing but what Gerard could call muscle and three to four hour workouts.

He still wore the Rolling Stones t-shirt and tight skinny jeans that always sagged. Mikey’s arms gave an undeniable squeeze of strength and belonging feeling himself stuck in his elder brother’s arms. He’s been needing a hug for so long now it finally felt good that Gerard was there and not somewhere else sulking if not-

Mikey cringed at his thought and left it unfinished. He refused to call Gee some whore because he knew his brother. He had a reason for everything. “Gee, it’s so good to see you...” He glanced down at Gerard and let his sharp eyes appraise him. He looked youthful for the age of thirty but even under the concealer that he put on he could see the exhaustion in his eyes. He didn’t look the same and emotions were pouring out all around him. Mikey frowned and pulled Gerard back into him and lied his chin on his massive tangles of hair knowing just what he’d been missing.

He dug his face in his chest and gripped his sides as a way of holding tight to the only stronghold he had for now. “Mikey...” Gerard’s words whispered as tears built in his eyes. His voice was thick with sorrow and desperation that was only meant for their brotherly bond to understand.. “Hold on, let’s get inside...” Mikey replied pulling back and keeping Gerard at his side. his lanky arms wrapped around his shoulders and kissed his temples hoping to make his little bad thoughts go away.

The house was pretty roomy with big white walls and lamps at every corner and family pictures hanging around. The most recent one made his heart swell so big the physical pain shot through his arms and made him go cold on the inside. “Is that mom?” Gerard mumbled, gingerly running his fingertips over the glass casing. Like them, she was a pale woman dressed in all black. Her bleached hair ran down the middle of her back with long stiletto acrylic nails caked in icing. He guessed it was a birthday party of some sort. She was smiling wide looking like the young woman from her high school days underneath the wrinkles and frown lines.

Mikey nodded and stood at his brother’s side. “That was a few months ago for mother’s day. Alicia made her a cake and we just kinda...” His words drifted off and Gee just nodded. “Cake fights...” Silence. “So uh... How’ve you been?” The question seemed rhetorical but Gerard knew Mikey well enough to see he was racking his brain and decoding him. Gerard shrugged, “Fine.”

He chuckled and shook his head before answering honestly in a quiet voice, “Crazy...”

Smirking, Mikey nodded. He got the answer he was seeking. “No, really...” He glanced over at him and frowned. “I can tell you’re stressed out.” “It’s just work...” He mumbled the last word as ashame welled inside of him. Mikey kept watching him, waiting, to hear more. Gerard wasn’t the one to be quiet. He plopped down in the recliner and leaned his elbow on the armrest, gently massaging his temples in little circles. How could he tell his little brother, his best friend at one point, that he was suicidal over a choice he created?

How could he explain that he felt like a useless whore and an overly emotional faggot? His career choice has made it hard enough and he was still sure that his family was pestering Mikey not to become the same way as him and have a career that made sense. His eyes burned for him to open them and let his tears build, but he just shook it off and squeezed them together. “Gerard.” Gee startled and flashed his eyes open at how close Mikey’s voice was. He was sitting in front of him with a sympathetic look on his face.

“You can tell me, I haven’t changed any.” He gave a small sad smile and poked his brother’s knee. “Since when is it like you to be all fucking quiet?” Gerard blinked a few times. “What if I chase you away again?” His words hung in the air like cobwebs in an old mansion between the two. Staring into Mikey’ eyes he could see the regret and all the memories of their childhood reflecting back at him like a movie. Gerard’s eyes filled with unshed tears and Mikey flinched at the sight. It wasn’t often he cried let alone know the fear he was feeling.

They were family, bonded by blood and DNA. Sure, they both did and said things they don’t mean but they always brought each other up physically and emotionally. Like the first time Gerard got drunk when he was at Toro’s party at sixteen years old. Even though Mikey was a small nerdy kid he helped his brother to his feet and helped him home. The next morning he took the blame for the puke in the hallway and the slamming of doors throughout the early morning hours. Not to mention how Gerard always shared his bed when Mikey got scared, he’s not gonna lie either; he did it up until he was fourteen before Gerard was tossed out.

“Gerard, look...” Mikey gripped his spidery hand in his and smiled at the contrast of their skin. “I’m not mad anymore... I stopped talking to you because I had a feeling you were needing it. I mean, last time we hung out...” “I was twenty four...” “And always drinking.” Mikey countered. “Popping pills like it was nothing and I’m pretty sure you were on something else.” Gerard nodded and looked away from his eyes, averting his shameful eyes away. He frowned and cupped his cheek bringing their gazes to meet again.

The action brought tears to his eyes and he had to shake his head away from it. “Don’t be afraid to cry in front of me, Gee... You need me like I need you... It’s always been like that hasn’t it?” He asked softly. He nodded and finally jumped, winding his arms around Mikey’s neck. His emotions started swirling in his head with regret, sadness, anger, guilt, depression, desperation, need, and selfishness. He let out a whimper from his throat and clung tighter to him. There was no words to be said as Mikey held him just as tight.

“You’re my big brother, Gee...” He whispered. “I love you.” The three words were so simple and unlike Gerard, Mikey had always been careful and sophisticated about saying them. It meant more to him than anything and he clenched his jaw trying to fight the tears back. He wasn’t weak. He refused to cry. He refused to show weakness, he wasn’t weak! He shook anyways and he felt so much guilt he was starting to get angry at himself. He hadn’t even tried hard enough to pull him back into his life. He let his own parents slip away from him and backstab him and stomp on his fucking fragile heart.

How fucking pathetic am I, he thought malicely.

“Do they even care?” He gritted out. “Why aren’t they fucking there?” He sighed and deeply and dug his face in his neck. He noticed a few fading hickies and shrugged. “Gee, I tried... I tried to get our parents to come around and accept it...” Mikey chuckled dryly. He was still pissed off that his parents shunned their own son away. “You’re not a whore to me, Gerard.” Mikey gripped his shaking shoulders and pulled back enough to measure his angry expression. His eyes were narrowed and sparkled with tears but - for whatever reason - never let them fall.

“Are you saying they think I’m one?” He demanded. Of course they did, just thinking that he enjoyed his job. It honesly wasn't a surprise they labeled him that, that was his dad's n ame for him. “Being a professional whore isn’t as easy as they think it is!” “I know, Gee.” He frowned at him. “You’re not a whore, okay? I promise...” The sound of Gerard’s heavy breathing slowly quieted to even little breaths. “I’m not gonna leave you to fend on your own anymore...” Mikey smiled softly, reassuringly. “We’re gonna go on a new adventure together like always.”

Gerard found his lips curling into a small soft smile and he kissed the corner of Mikey’s lips. “Can you forgive me for being such a fuck up?” He whispered softly. “I’m sorry for letting you down, Mikes...” Shaking his head, Mikey kissed his nose and patted his back. “‘S no problem, Geezy. No problem.” “So... Halo?” He tipped his head and grabbed his PS3 controller and wiggled it at him. “First one down buys the fucking pizza.”

He had to admit to himself that being around Mikey again felt like a rejuvenating massage to his

mind. Even though his parents still weren't there having Mikey there, well... It made him feel wanted for the first time in a little while. He couldn’t hold his walls up to Mikey because of everything they’ve been through. Mikey brought Gerard up, he’d bring him up and kiss away any tears. There’d been a few times when Gerard chucked eggs at the school bully for even denting his little brother’s glasses.

Feeling like he belonged somewhere with someone, knowing someone cared so much, was overwhelming in the fullest. The two brothers talked smack and shoved, killed their characters and dripped cheese pizza over everything in their sights, wasn’t surprising to say in the least. Gerard was truly smiling again. It felt absolutely weightless even if the happiness wasn’t lasting. “I missed this...” Mikey confessed as he stroked Gerard’s arms with his fingertips. They were sitting on the couch, Gerard’s head on Mikey’s shoulder.

“Me too...” He mumbled to him tiredly. “Felt really fucking good. It’s gonna happen again right?” He asked for the hundredth time in the past ten minutes. “Yes, Gee... I promise.”

“Mikey?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have an extra room for me to stay in?”“Of course.”

The TV buzzed with a Lego Star Wars rerun while Gerard was drifting in and out of sleep thanks to Mikey’s fingers brushing his arm. “You can sleep in my room if you want...” Mikey stated. Gerard peeled his eyes open and glanced up to see his face hopeful. “You’re like... Twenty four.” “So?” He gave a small smile. Gerard just shook his head but didn’t object at all to his request. “It’s pretty weird...” “Oh, shut up!” Mikey cried giving Gerarda playful shove. “We bathed together you ass munch, this isn’t anything new!”

Giggling, Gerard stood and stretched his arms above his head careful to not let his shirt lift up and expose himself too much. “I’ll sleep in bed with you and fight the bad guys off.” Mikey hopped up and grinned, smoothing his PJ pants down and smiled softly. “It’s nice having my brother back.”

Gerard couldn’t agree more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M FINALLY WRITING AGAIN HALLELUJAH!

_The pastures grass was as purple as lavender with clear blue skies with winds that only blew harsh enough to lightly tousle Gerard’s hair. There sat a single oak tree that stood about eleven feet high but branches spread enough to shelter a sleeping body.  He sat and gazed up at the sky with long fingers gently tapering with nature around him and shut his eyes as he listened to the rustling of leaves in the wind and the soft songs of a harp somewhere. He didn’t question how there was any music but with himself being there, he didn’t care._

_He lied back and let his dark locks fan around his pale face as he watched butterflies flitter their ways across with not a single worry out there. Silently, a figure dressed in a white button down with tight black jeans strolled over and planted himself next to Gerard. Blinking, Gerard looked over and found his chest tightening at the sight of this beautiful man. He had big russet eyes and a soft smile with a set of pink full lips and a lip ring he sucked on._

_His pale arms were gorgeously tainted with ink that stood out so attractively in the brightness of the light. There was something so familiar of this man but he just... Couldn’t figure it out...  “Hello.” His voice was sweet with an addictive giggle that suggested he had been a type of smoker. He had his tongue tied and it was rare it happened. “Hey.” Gerard replied as he crossed his arms under his head._

_He refused to look away from him. His fringe blew in the breeze and he let out that same adorable fucking giggle and he grinned. “Like what you see?” He smirked causing a little blush to creep to Gerard’s cheeks and he nodded. His hand twitched and suddenly all he wanted to do was draw. He wanted to draw him  “I do, actually...” He responded. “I’m Gerard.” The boy nodded and smiled at him. “I like that, it’s... Pretty...”_

_“Pretty...”_

_The man nodded and gripped Gerard’s arms gently, leaning down slowly so their faces were just little distance apart. “But not as pretty as your face...” The words left him smiling up at the blue sky once his face moved back leaving Gee whining for more. This man was so sickly cute and familiar it was driving his stomach to do loopy loops and curly q’s. “Where’d ya go?” He wondered out loud as he sat up, glancing around him._

_Thin inked arms wound around him from behind as a sweet minty voice breathed into his ear sending shivers down his spine and making his fingers branch out as his eyes fell shut in the bliss, “Hey, Gerard.” Gee smiled to himself, this stranger had his heart racing and had his palms sweating like he had just got done making an important cake for an important event. “Gee...” The boy whispered into his ear again._

_“Hm?”_

_“Gerard...” He moaned softly. “Sounds good on my lips, huh?”_

_He had to agree and nodded his head limoly._

_“Gerard.”_

_“That’s right sugar, say my name...”_

“Gerard! I swear to fucking God this is the last time I even let you sleep in bed with me.” Mikey snapped lightly as he tugged on the blankets stuck under Gerard. He grumbled tiredly and dug his palms into his eyes to wipe the sleep away. Blinking his eyes open, he took in the white room and satin red curtains of his brother’s room. He glanced at the wardrobe in the corner before his eyes flickered to whoever was yanking on his blankets in an obnoxious fashion. “What?”

"Good morning to you too...” He sat up and took the steaming fresh cup of coffee from his brother’s hands. He didn’t feel that usual sinking feeling he did when he woke up, which was a very good thing. Perhaps it was the fact his dream was so well it gave him a certain hope, he was pretty sure it was the fact he was back with his younger brother again.

“I made you coffee, you should be grateful.” Mikey replied with a taunting smirk as his nimble fingers attempted to smooth down Gerard’s bedhead. “Black still?” Gerard nodded and gingerly sipped the bittersweet liquid down hoping to wake himself up some. “Of course. I don’t like my natural color, y’know.” He smiled over at him and nudged him with his shoulder. “How do you feel?”

Mikey looked him over with concern and noted he seemed to be in a better mood than yesterday. “What time is it?” Gerard questioned with furrowed brows, smacking his lips together as he sat his cup next to the bed. “It’s ten thirty. We slept almost eleven hours.” “Eleven?” Gerard’s eyes shot open and he felt his lips twitch into a smile. “Yeah, why..?” Mikey eyed him cautiously and patted his shirt down to smooth it. “I haven’t slept through a whole night in a while. You cured my sickness!”

 Gerard rose to his knees and tackled Mikey to the bed. The younger Way squealed in shock and attempted to claw at the blankets and whines obnoxiously. “Ger-ard!” For once Gerard found himself happy. Not exactly last all day happy but the type of happy you’d feel later on as you lied in bed and repeat all that happened that day. “No, take it!” Whipping to his back he caught Mikey by the waist and caught him in a tight headlock that left Mikey tapping off on the blanket. “Gee, I give! I give! Uncle!”

His arms loosened and Mikey slumped next to him with a heavy relieved sigh and giggled breathlessly. “You ass!” He punched his chest lightly and let his breath catch itself before he turned to glance over at Gerard. His eyes were shut but with a soft delighted smile on his thin lips. “Whatcha wanna do today, Gee?” He wondered aloud. “You still talk to Toro right?” he clarified. “Um, of course.” Mikey said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Call him over.” he turned his head to look at Mikey with a smile. “I wanna hang out with him for a little while. Catch up on things.”

Gerard was still running about when his phone rang catching him off guard mid-straightening his hair. “Hello?” He pressed his phone to his ear when he set his phone down. “Hey, Gee!” Karen, one of the secretaries of the company, greeted. He froze in his spot and gripped the counter and sighed. His eyes shut and he mumbled a soft greeting back. “What do they need me for now?” “Oh nothing! Um, you know that new guy Frank? They’re requesting a meeting so we can all get to know each other.”

He turned his back to the counter and leaned against it sucking on the inside of his cheek as he listened. He couldn’t ditch Mikey or Toro now... “Um, uh...” His mind flickered through images as he tried to recall a “Frank” he knew. “Frank who?” He asked. “Frank! The new producer, eh forget it. You were busy anyways.” “Look I’m extremely busy, Karen... I’m having a family meeting today with my younger brother I really can’t miss it.” He stressed, running his fingers through his hair messing it all back up more.

“Couldn’t they postpone it or something?” “The boss isn’t gonna be too happy about it.” She countered with a frown over the line. “I honestly don’t give a fuck.” He huffed. “My younger brother is family Allen can fuck off if he’s got an issue. I’ll quit.” “The contract-” “Fuck the contract!” There was silence for a moment while both people tried to think of some other options to cop out on. Mikey, upon hearing the commotion, made his way up to the bathroom to find his older brother with that same damn crease in his brow and that stressed out frown on his lips.

Gerard’s dark eyes flicked to him and he gave a pleading glance holding a finger up to him with a mouthed, hold on. “Mr. Way.” Karen said in a tight voice. Trying to hold in her emotions, he guessed.  “Look, I can’t do it. Not today...” “What exactly are you up to at this family meeting?” “That’s my business.” His tone was hard and final but this woman was pressing as hard as a paperweight. “Let me call you back, Karen.” He hung up quickly and looked at Mikey. “They calling you into work?” He guessed, raising an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, a meeting of some type...”

“If it’s that important,” Mikey started, “You can have it here...” “No, Mikes - Toro is coming over this is supposed to be an us thing you know? Catch up and hang out... No work relations...” He frowned deeper suddenly adding more age to his young face and Mikey hated it. He hated how stressed out his bosses were making him - he looked sick. “It’s fine - hey! We can make it a little dinner party. We can do a little hang out tomorrow night.”

He pushed himself off the bathroom doorway and strolled over giving Gerard a tight hug. The older Way pressed himself into Mikey and sighed giving a small mumble if, “I hate my job...” Mikey nodded in understanding. Being a lawyer 24/7 wasn’t exactly relaxing either, but hell. You couldn’t do much about your money making process if it paid well sadly. “It’s gonna be alright... I’ll be here so I’ll help make you feel better.” “Let me call Karen back,” Gerard sighed as he unlocked his phone and pressed the number.

She picked up on the third ring. “You good now?” “I  have a proposition.” He replied ignoring the attitude in her tone. “And that is?” “Well, my brother requested we have the meeting here as a little dinner party. I’ll provide the drinks and food and stuff unless you guys are gonna bring some things along.” “Let me get Allen on the phone...”

Gerard sighed and leaned back on the counter nibbling his lip worriedly. The thought of porn stars being in his younger brother’s house and somehow planning something if they liked him made him wanna punch something. “Gerard, this better be good.” Allen’s gruff voice cut the line and he inwardly flinch. The motion wasn’t missed by Mikey. “Did Karen tell you the proposition I requested?” “She did...” He sighed and pinched his nose bridge, shaking his head. “I’ll let this slip once. Give us the address and I’ll send everyone an email to let them know.”

Relief flooded through Gerard’s veins and he yanked the phone away to release a relieved groan of success. “Sounds good, Al’. I’ll be here!” He ended the call and glanced at Mikey pointing an accusing finger, “No agreeing to anything they say. Ya got me?” Mikey grinned, holding up his hands in defense. “I gotcha. I have no interest anyways.” “Good, we have one whore we don’t need another.” He said jokingly, almost joking. Mikey’s smile fell a bit but before he could correct him Gerard tugged him in and smacked a kiss to his cheek. “Time to get you ready.” He clarified seeing Mikey’s mock expression of horror.

The brothers scattered and pranced about the house tidying any messed up vase or straightening a crooked picture or dusting dust under an oversized matt. The doorbell finally rang around seven when the first - ding ding ding - Businessman waited. Allen appraised Gerard with narrowed eyes that looked stern and judging his every move and he was. His gray hair was gelled to the side in a formal manner with pinched lips and frown lines. “Gerard.” His tone was neither pleased nor agitated so as of now it was fine. He put on a fake smile that had him convinced right away. “Hello, Allen. Come in.”

Walking to the front room Mikey stood looking more like he was about to do business in a lawsuit. He had a warm smile with a sharp touch to his eyes that alerted Allen instantly to know just where his place stood in this house. “This is my younger brother, Mikey.” Gerard announced as he broke the area between them with a veiny arm.  Allen just nodded at him giving his han d a stern shakes and a calm welcoming back. “Lovely place you have,” he said as he turned to glance at the door as headlights beamed through the front window.

“There’s Karen,” He sighed. Mikey made the move to open the door only to be pummeled by a tall man with a massive fro that framed his face. “‘Ey, man! Heard Gee was back where the fuck is he?” He raised his beer and turned with a gigantic smile plastered to his face then immediately let it fall when he was chest to chest with Allen. Gerard let out a giggle and stepped from around him. “I’m here. There was a change of plans.” “Yeah, I sent you a text to let you know.”

“I’m aware!” Ray cheered as he dropped the case with an uneasy crash before enveloping him in a hug. He greatly returned it with a cheerful smile and patted his broad shoulders before gripping them and pulling back to look at his face. “You look great, Gee!” Ray cried softly as he slapped a hand onto his back. “Well, he has to be.” Allen said, placing a hand on Gerard’s shoulder. He tensed under him with a mumble out of the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, the business. Whatever.” Ray pushed his hand off and wrapped his arm around Gerard’s shoulders. “You’ve become dead to the world, man. We missed ya here!” He placed his lips to the side of Gerard’s head and Gerard cringed away with a scrunched nose of disgust. “Oh, Ray! Ray! Gross!”

Mikey smiled and shook his head at his older brothers with a sigh. The Allen man really fucking rubbed him the wrong way and made him worry about Gerard’s business under him.

He hoped he actually didn’t do literal business under him.

He watched him walk around the room looking from picture to picture with a soft chuckle when he stopped at one of the brother’s high school photos. “Why, Gerard. Is this you?” He looked back at him with a little smirk of his lips and Gerard blinked all laughter breaking off. Mikey didn’t miss the way Gerard immediately sank back into Ray as if he were some kind of human shield. “Yeah...” He said quietly. “That’s me...”

“Nothing’s changed about you!” Allen chuckled. “Nothing at all.” Gerard’s heart gave a painful lurch and ice ran through his veins. He stared at disbelief at his boss and swallowed painfully at the sudden tightness in his throat. He hoped to fuck not to ever hear those words come out of someone's mouth. He lost so much weight to escape the fatass part of himself and now Allen was saying he still looked the same?! "I lost weight, sir. My facial features haven't changed though sadly." Their eyes locked and even Ray could see the malice in his eyes as he tore Gerard apart mentally. Anyone could see the twisted emotions as he took in the fear in his fierce eyes as they suddenly became bambi like and wide. "I don't see a difference." He said with a sickly sweet smile.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this one is good, I was pretty iffy about this at the beginning but I'm sure this story gets better within range!

Gerard was avoiding any thought of self destruction at the moment by trying pretty hard to bury himself in the guests coming. He went from person to person greeting and making small talk. The only people he really actually made meaningful conversations with is Ray, Mikey, and one other guy he invited. His name was Otter or some shit which he didn’t question one bit when Ray gave a proud smile at it. Everyone who had an odd name it had to pertain to some weird act and he was fine not knowing shit of it.

All up until there was another ding of his little brother’s door that almost went unheard over the booming bass of music. “I got it, Gee.” Mikey all but yelled as he walked past. Gerard had a drink in his hand talking to his director about whatever his mouth ran out for him since he was on autopilot like always. Blinking in confusion, he watched the blond make a path for himself through the sea of people just like a split ocean or a red carpet of some kind. The thought of red carpet fame made him cringe to himself at the bad taste the words left in his mouth.

He had a clear view of Mikey and the door he was taken back when the door swung open revealing the sight and cutthroat image of the man he had seen from his dreams last night - literally. He wore a dark blue button up over tight black jeans and a nice cuff bracelet around his left wrist. Gerard’s dark eyes appraised the man’s arms that were covered in dark precious ink and his breath caught tightly in his airways. Those russet eyes were rimmed in black making the honey in those gorgeous russet eyes pop perfectly with the dashes of greens and browns and even some burgundy in them. He knew the man had looked familiar and now he understood why, that was Frank, one of his new producers.

He gave a tight handed shake to his brother and smiled that gorgeous white smile he had. Two canines about poked his soft bottom lip and his Adam’s apple bobbed from what Gerard could guess to be a giggle of some sort because face it, not every adam’s apple bobs from a chuckle. “Gerard?” The confused man in a white tux bent over with a turn of his head to assess exactly where the actor was stuck at. Gerard’s mouth was slightly agape with eyes as starstruck as a young teenage girl seeing her crush somewhere unexpected. “Let me show you around...” Mikey’s voice traveled as he made his way through the path of people. He and Frank spoke mostly amongst to themselves as they walked through. Frank came up to the middle of Mikey’s arm like a teen out of high school so he couldn’t be anymore older than nineteen.

It took awhile for Mikey’s words to process through his stunned body as he watched Mikey place a gentle guiding hand on his lower back to help him through. Frank’s eyes met Gerard with a sudden spark of realisation. He looked even better than he did the other day on the makeshift bed completely in the nude. His hair was still completely frazzled and unkempt though it still managed to frame his gorgeous face with his prominent cheekbones and what not. He wore a loose black turtleneck sweater and deep navy blue skinny jeans. Gerard’s dark green eyes were wide with shock much to Frank’s own surprise and he swallowed back the sudden pit of nervousness that was swelling in his stomach and throat.

Mikey just looked between the two men with a raised eyebrow of knowledge. Damn him, Gerard thought as he flickered his stare to his brother while narrowing his eyes in a silent threat. “Gerard,” Mikey began in a knowing tone. “this is, Frank. He tells me he’s one of the new producers?” He glanced to Frank with a little nod to make sure he was correct. “Yeah, um... I’m Frank.” He slid a hand into his jeans with a lazy lopsided smile that sent shocks through his weakened heart. “I’m one of the uh... New producers of porn.” He flexed his jaw before releasing a little girl giggle and shrugged a shoulder weakly. “I’m...” Gerard began suddenly finding loss for his own words. He was extremely swell at acting and pretending shit was fine but suddenly now this beauty comes along and steals his own words -

“You’re Gerard?” Frank rose a confused eyebrow before they tugged together while his teeth sank into his lower lip nervously. Stifling a little groan, he nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’m Gerard. It’s nice to meet you, John.” Frank frowned immediately in offense. “It’s Frank.” “Yeah! Yeah, Frank...” Gerard bit his lip mentally scolding himself for being so forgetful suddenly. Frank glanced at Mikey for a clarification but only got a shrug in return. “Well, Gee.” He said with a smile. “Frankie and I are gonna go meet around and talk to the guys. You ready? I won’t bite.” Frank smiled up at him with a quick few nods of agreement. “Sure!” He exclaimed excitedly. “Let’s go meet some other douchebags.”

The words surely weren’t meant to offend anyone but it sent a jolt of hurt directly into his chest and it must’ve showed because his brother’s smile fell immediately as his eyebrows furrowed in concern. Gerard just played it off with a bright smile and waved a hand at him. “Have fun.” Mikey didn’t seem like he bought the act but he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him before tugging the smaller man through the crowd. Gerard mentally sighed in relief before the familiar coolness of hurt and despair began to pump through him and paralyze him on the spot. “Excuse me...” He muttered, passing his director to make his way into the garage.

He got his palm on the brass handle when a sudden strong hand on his shoulder made him whip around in shock. He expected it to be someone from the business but only found Toro with a teasing smile. “Going somewhere, Gee?” “Actually I was...” He sighed in relief and relaxed a little. “Going to have a smoke break.” “Mind if I join?” “You smoke?” He demanded with furrowed eyebrows. “Of course not,” Ray snorted, “I just wanted to have a talk without all these little,” he motioned his hand about the people and Gerard pursed his lips in understanding. “these idjits walking around and interrupting reunions. It’s rude.”

“Typical Toro.” He said with a little laugh as he turned the doorknob and pried the door open. There were leather couches rounded around a large TV with a set of speakers on table beside it. Sports posters of all sort littered the walls along with a game console sitting before one of the coffee tables that were also connected to the TV. A large fridge sat in the other corner with a large chain and padlock wound around it for safety. “Whoa...” Gerard stepped in immediately falling back on the cushiony, bouncy couch and shut his eyes. It was surprisingly cool in there too.

“Were you enjoying yourself in there?” Ray questioned as he watched Gerard’s pale hand search around in his front pocket for his pack of cigarettes. He shrugged in response and tugged out a cigarette from his carton before flicking the flame of his lighter over the beginning of it. “Not exactly, since it’s all workers in there. I don’t talk to any outside of the uh...” His voice faded and the sinking feeling of regret settled back in his stomach. Ray watched, slumped against the chair across from him. “Office?” Ray spoke teasingly. “Guess you could call it that, yeah.” Gerard flicked a strand of hair from out of his eyes and wrapped his thin lips around the stick inhaling the dark smoke slowly like some sort of blessing. “Is it fun there?”

The question caught Gerard off guard. He peeled an eye open and turned to look at Toro with a raised eyebrow as if to say, ‘you fucking serious?’ “What?” Ray exclaimed incredulously. “I can’t be curious about my old best friend’s job?” He exhaled the smoke from the corner of his lips with a sigh and muttered, “I don’t know what to call it. It’s okay.” “Okay as in shitty, huh? Dude, you’re miserable!” He exclaimed as he sat up straighter in his chair. His dark eyes went from amused to worried with a literal blink of an eye.

“You’re not the same Gerard I knew. I mean you used to be so happy, even though you got picked on alot through high school. You had Mikey and I, you were happy with just that. Suddenly now you’ve got everything you want...” “Just what are you trying to say?” Gerard demanded lightly with a dry little offended chuckle as he sat up more to look at him. “Now that I’ve got everything I could ever want and I’m still not satisfied?” “No! Of course not! It’s just that-” “Ray, don’t bullshit me...” Gerard’s heart was swelling again. What if Ray just saw him as a hollywood whore and nothing more than that? “You just really aren’t happy, Gerard.” He finished softly. “I mean, you’ve got bags under your eyes, looks like you haven’t been eating...”

"All because I’m not that high school fatass anymore I’m anorexic or something?” That was exactly it. “No, you just don’t look so happy with your life right now, Gee. I’ve only been here for two hours now and even then I could compare the two and see you’ve been needing to see us again. We were never mad...” “Yes you were,” Gerard corrected. Ray huffed with a roll of his eyes and knotted his fingers above his stomach. “Okay, maybe we were a little miffed at you. It didn’t last though, as soon as you got booted out we tried to reach you. Poor Mikey was so upset when your phone got disconnected. He never cried in front of me though,” He shook his head with a little chuckle and smiled at Gerard. “he is just like you. He’s missed you a lot, Gee. All of us have...”

The words set in and the little hole in Gerard’s heart seemed to patch up a little. “He got engaged, he wrote you a letter to tell you about it. For some reason it never sent so he kept it to give it to you the next time you guys met. He really wanted you to be there for that, but he figured you were too busy...” “I’m not gonna lie, the job keeps me on my toes...” Gerard mumbled tapping ash into the ashtray on the concrete ground. “Controls more of my plans than people realize sometimes...” Ray frowned as he watched the dark haired man rest on the velvet couch under him. His hair fanned around him like a halo while one leg hung over the end of the couch and the other hung over the arm of it.

“Bummed me out too when they called me in for a party... Mikey suggest we have it here, so... I honestly wasn’t gonna protest because that meant more time for Mikey and I to have to ourselves. That plan went out the garbage for now.” He took another drag of his cigarette as the thoughts of Frank came through his mind and he released a sad sigh. “Sucks...” “Cheer up, Gee.” He reached over and patted his stomach with an encouraging bright grin. “You’ve got use here though, ‘kay? Let’s go enjoy ourselves and just relax.”

Gerard poured a small cup of beer into his solo cup leaning up against the counter while watching people talk with gorgeous hollywood smiles and pushed up breasts in too tight dresses. A few of the girls he’d seen in playboy magazines and other photoshoots he had done a few times. “Hey, Gerard.” A few girls had said with suggesting smiles and little acrylic waves his way. He nodded at them like a gentleman would and made his way on without another thing to say. His smile instantly fell when Allen made his way past the doorway spotting him almost immediately. “Gerard, sweetheart!” He stood next to him wrapping a toned arm around his shoulders giving them a squeeze. The toxic scent of bourbon breath hit his cheeks when he pulled him close before he announced - too loudly - Gerard would like to say, he had a proposition.

People within distance turned to stare in interest a few other actors turning their attention with interested eyebrows or grins. Gerard wanted to puke suddenly and run right into Mikey’s arms to hide. “What would that be?” He muttered, stirring the beer in his cup disinterest obvious in his tone. “We have all agreed on a ganagband scene!” He sighed with a heavy english accent. “It’s a perfect setting here!” “Absolutely not!” He cried, voice a bit higher in shock. His chest began to heave lightly but he played it off with a nervous chuckle. Frank and Otter turned to glance among the onlookers of people. “No, n-not here, um-” “A room perhaps?” “No-” “Yes, ah! A different room!” He rose his shot glass with a smile to the other actors with a nod.

“It’ll be a seller-” “I don’t wanna do it, Allen!” He stared at him with accusing daggers glancing from his younger brother who had entered the room back to his manager in disgust and sudden shame. “I’m not some whore...” He finished to him in a shaking whisper. “Not here in front of my family, this isn’t really the time and place...” Allen frowned and set his glass down on the laminated counter next to him. “Gerard, let me tell you something,” he whispered back turning fully to stare him in the eye. His breath smacked him in the face each time he spoke, the dark of his irises dilated. He had been doing more than drinking so far. “your life is in my hands. I can end your career and take every little thing you own from you.”  

Gerard’s eyes hardened. “You won’t, though. I’m your best damn client and without me you’d be nothing.” He hissed venomously. “So, you drop me and see your labels go way down. Your choice, Allen.” The two men glared each other down before he spoke again. “I’m not a whore, you can’t make me do something I am not willing to do.” Frank frowned as he watched the confrontation go down, the room ominously silent now. “Who does that guy think he is, his dad?” Otter chuckled into Mikey’s ear. If he wasn’t so mad right now he too would have laughed.

“Gerard, come talk to me in the other room.” Allen said calmly as he gripped his wrist gently. Deep in the pit of Gerard’s stomach he knew, oh he knew something was way off, but he abided. “Of course.” He kept his gaze down as he brushed past Mikey. His hand gripped his reassuringly for a moment before he disappeared up the steps with a pit of fear. There was something that wasn’t adding up, it terrified Mikey to the core.

“Sir look, I’m sorry about what happened in there-” Gerard apologized before he was interrupted by Allen, “Shut up and listen to me, kid.” He growled, clenching his teeth. “You seem to forget that I own every good thing you have. I made you famous, I put your pretty ass on camera, I paid your college student loan. You made it through because of me!” He gripped his jaw tightly in his hand and narrowed his eyes dangerously before his hand collided with his cheek with a sharp sound that reverberated around the white walls. Gerard would’ve collapsed if Allen’s hand wasn’t holding him up. “You keep your sassy little mouth shut unless you do what you do best and suck a fucking dick, you got me?”

He shoved the man back onto the back where his cheek was beginning to pulse from the dark scarlett outline of a handprint on his left cheek. “You may have your family here, Gerard.” He purred as he moved over to the side of the bed, unbuttoning his pants. “Remember who let you cry and move in for a few months when you were shoved on the streets.” Gerard’s eyes widened and his pulse quickened as he saw Allen’s hand reach down into his pants. “That was all me.” He whipped out a semi hard erection out of his vinyl boxers and Gerard shot up immediately.

He made it halfway across the room before Allen gripped his arm in a vice hold and yanked him back on his knees. His other hand was now squeezing his throat cutting off his oxygen and forced his head to tilt back onto the bed before his girth was shoved into his mouth. His tight veiny hand tightened on his throat as tears burned in his eyes. He couldn’t breathe - he couldn’t suck - he was gonna fucking die!

“You’re nothing but a vial whore, Gerard Way. Show me what everyone freaks over.” He began thrusting in and out of his mouth rubbing the veiny muscle over his tongue leaving a sour taste. He couldn’t find his mouth, couldn’t feel it. Tears leaked down his cheeks as his vision began to swim. In, out, in, out, went his boss’s cock but he couldn’t take it in much more. The vice grip he held was gonna kill him. His eyelids fluttered like lead weights over his eyeballs, he could feel himself losing it until Allen let out a grunt and filled his mouth with his salty taste.

Without another word, he tucked himself away and fixed his pants tightening his hold for another moment, “You are mine, Gerard Way. Don’t forget it.” He wrenched his hand away and turned his back to him just as he doubled over coughing and sputtering and whimpering all once. The white liquid hit the ground and his stomach twirled dangerously at the filth that just made its way down his throat. The light flicked off leaving him alone with a silent shut off a door, he hurled all over the fresh carpet with a heavy sense of disappointment falling over him as his eyes slid shut and his nails dug themselves into the floor with a dirty realisation he already knew.

He waited fifteen minutes before poking his head out to see everyone downstairs still partying away with music, booze, and quite a few dry humping or making out passionately on the couches. He looked along the hallways to make sure no one could see him and quickly retreated down the stairs and outside to feel the cool air hitting his skin. He didn’t want to shame his friends and family anymore by letting a whore in their presence. He slipped through the heavy crowds unnoticed, thank fuck. He fumbled with his keys before a soft voice broke the dark night around him,

“Where are you going, Gerard?”


	7. Chapter 7

Gerard let out an audible gasp as his keys clanked to the ground. He was face to face with Frank Iero, at the moment though, he saw Allen and cringed away from him before he quickly knelt to swipe the keys up into his hand. “Whoa, hey,” Frank soothed as he noted how antsy Gerard was. “Calm down, man.” He smiled at him only to earn a suspicious look back at him. He flipped through keys like book pages until Gerard finally found the right one and injected it into his car door. “Where are you going?” Frank repeated with a frown as he watched the door fling open. Gerard froze with a hand on the door and swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. “I-I’m uh...”

How was he supposed to act when this beautiful man was really here with him? Frank waited patiently seeming to grow more and more anxious at this man’s state. He honestly looked like hell with swollen eyes and a swollen cheek from a forming bruise. His clothes were wrinkled but what worried him the most was the fact that he looked more terrified than anything else. In the depth of green there was nothing but anxiety as his eyes flicked amongst his face measuring his expression. “Leaving.” His tone was final but his hands shook wondering if Frank could read him.

Frank frowned. “Already? It just started.” “Y-yeah, I’m not uh... Not a big partier.” He forced a weak smile and slipped into his front seat. He took a deep shuddering breath to calm his nerves.It wasn’t the first time Allen’s assaulted him in that manor, but it’d been so long he didn’t suspect he was still, well... That way. He dug his forehead into his knuckles that held onto the wheel and groaned audibly. He was gonna be sick. “Yo dude, you-” Frank’s question broke off when Gerard doubled over suddenly and projected his stomach all over the concrete under the car.

He felt fingers holding his hair back while the fingertips trailed along the bruising cheek and heard a little sympathetic noise. “Too much to drink?” Frank guessed as he shot Gerard a small smile. Gerard’s eyes fluttered closed and almost flinched away again when the dark fabric of Frank’s  shirt wiped at his mouth like a mother would a baby. “G-Guess so.” He replied. “I only had three beers... I must be sick.” Well, if he knew the reason behind it... “I don’t think you need to go anywhere...” Frank admitted. “Not only that, but your brother is at the door.”

Gerard slowly glanced up from under his hair to see a scrawny figure making his way to his car as a beam of yellow light streak across the green grass. Worry etched on his face causing his eyebrows to pull together in the middle seeing the watery eyes of his elder brother and the swell of his face. “I’ve been looking all over for you!” He exclaimed softly, Frank moving out of the way so the blond could kneel to glance his brother over once. “Y-you’re uh...” Gerard began as Mikey’s expensive looking shoes sloshed in the puddles of puke below him. “Yeah, I see that.” He replied as he set a digit under his finger and lifted his face.

Their eyes met and the amount of pain Mikey could decipher out of them made his heart swell with despair of his own. Gerard’s eyes were bloodshot from all the crying he’d done previously and he visibly looked more shaken, as if he saw a ghost. “Did you get sick or somethin’, Gee?” He wondered as he brushed his dark hair behind his ear. He nodded faintly and allowed Mikey to tug him from the seat of his car and damn near set him upright on his feet.

He didn’t dare ask about the mark on his pale cheek, either. He had a pretty good idea. Gerard was protesting about needing to leave just fucking needing to be alone right now. Allen was in there waiting, he knew it. “Shut up, Gerard.” Mikey’s voice was firm and final. Gerard stayed quiet right after and leaned on him as he led them inside and drug Frank along behind them. Allen appraised him with a knowing little coy smile and sparked a wink at Gerard. He pretended he didn’t see it.

Frank watched the man as he stayed glued to Mikey’s side for the rest of the night. He switched between he and Ray the vacant look in his eyes remaining even as he smiled - which Frank noted was pretty forced and empty. Gerard pretended his life was all flowers and rainbows for right now just to put on a show for Mikey. He shook hands with the same cold green in his eyes instead of the more lively swirl of gold and green sparkling at him like little stars.

Broken or not, Gerard set something off inside of Frank. His eyes flickered to his own like a pair of knives, it cut his heart in two seeing how facant they looked. They were wide and scared like a younger child’s would be if he lost his momma in the supermarket. Frank;s mouth opened to mouth something when a tall blond stuck out her hand making Gerard turn with another forced smile to shake her hand. Frowning, Frank shook his head with a tiny sigh pretending he didn’t see anything about how broken he looked.

The party continued on and Frank stayed with himself instead of others. He took shots with random pornstars who he was sure were planning to nail him or someone else later. He didn’t see how drunk he was until he went to take a small step forward in the kitchen only to fall into a tall man’s arms. “Hey, easy Iero.” Blinking quickly, Frank’s eyes flickered up to see Allen, one of his bosses, smiling down at hm. It was soft and warm for what seemed like it was only for him. “S-sorry, sir…” His voice slurred using his arms to press himself up to his feet using Allen’s chest to help him stand. “Need a ride home?” Allen guessed with a sly smile.

Maybe it was just the drinks talking, but Frank wanted to kiss his lips and stroke his stubbly jaw suddenly. He was very attractive for a man. “Nah, I got it!” He stated boldly waving a hand with a little flip of his bangs. “S-So totally!” He erupted in bell like giggles that bounced off the walls. allen only appraised him further deciding whether or not Frank himself would be fancy a lay. “You better stick with me. Frank…” He purred lacing an arm around him. “Don’t need my new client to get too fucked in the head. We’d love for you to work for us.”

Frank;s eyes widened in shock, he completely forgot that this was supposed to be a sophisticated non-drunken-stupor business dinner. As if reading his mind, Allen assured him quickly, “It was a fun shindig!” Relaxing into him the slightest, he just nodded. “True.”

They made their way through the thinning crowd and he laughed. “All these whores here…” The words slipped out from Frank’s mouth without realizing it. As if to agree, he laughed. “I agree! They call themselves “artists”.” Allen relied tipping his crystal glass so the ginger ale colored wine slipped past his thin pink lips. “Whether they realize it or not, they get paid for people to fuck them. What’s the definition to that, my dear, Frank?”

He turned to look at the shorter man who was gazing up at him with wide puppy like eyes. “W-what?” He slurred in surprise. “A-A whore, right?” Smiling in approval, he nodded. “Exactly. Gerard Way is one of our longest clients. I suppose he’d be considered our main one. Man, women, he does them all.”

His laugh rang out soft to Frank’s ears making him shiver. The mention of Gerard’s name made him look around for Mikey or Ray. Where was Gerard? Frank wanted to see if he could talk him into giving him a blow job if he paid him enough. “I’ll be back,” Frank muttered softly moving the long arm from around him. “G-gotta go find, Someone.”

Gerard was sitting on the leather couch leaning his elbow on the arm with his cheek resting in his hand. His eyelashes rested dark and peacefully on his pale cheekbones, lips pressed together gently. His dark hair fell over his right eye giving him an appearance of an angel. Even Frank had to admit, part of him right now felt guilty for what he was gonna do. He plopped on the place next to him hearing the leather crunch in protest.

Gerard’s head shot up sending his head whipping around his body visibly tensing in shock. His eyes met Frank’s then he sighed a little in relief. “Sorry ‘bout that, Frank. What’re you doing?” He rubbed his eyes with the sides of his fists clearing off some of the make up he was wearing.

"Coming to see you,” He hiccuped. “G-got a question…” Blinking a few times in confusion Gerard answered softly, “What is it, Frank?” “How much?” “How much” “What?” His dark eyebrows pulled together as confusion swelled in his deep green eyes. “How much for a fuck?” Gerard flinched back his wide eyes suddenly narrowing. “The fuck? Nothing! I’m not some-” “Whore?”

Frank chuckled softly turning to face him completely. “Think about it this way, Gerard. You get paid money for people to fuck you.” “It’s not really _fucking_ , Frank!” Gerard cried, appalled. He stood to his feet quickly his eyes suddenly hard. Even Frank could see the vulnerable fear that was hidden behind the anger. “Shut up, it is! Acting or not. Y-you’re nothing but a whore to the company and everyone else…”

How desperate was Frank for a fuck? Was it worth breaking this perfect angel down? Seeing the pained look on his face, Frank immediately deadpanned. “Oh my God, Gerard wait-” “Fuck you!” He hissed, clenching his structured jaw. “Fuck you, Frank.” “I didn’t mean it I mean- Allen just-” Gerard turned and started up the stairs to go into Mikey’s room. Just as he made it to the top of the stairs a tattooed hand grabbed the back of his shirt.

“Frank, let go!” He turned around to glare at him only widening his eyes. “Oh. Jepha, hey man…” The man behind him smiled warmly carrying a red solo cup in one hand smiling coyly at him. “Expecting someone else, precious?” he asked. He sipped it gingerly his eyes appraising him. Jepha had been a really good friend of Gerard’s when he first started. He was a retired actor who did tech with Bob and Bert. He and Bert had a thing a while back which ended pretty ugly.

“Well, yeah - but no!” He interjected quickly with a visible swallow. “Just some asshole.” Nodding, Jepha sat on the step next to his legs. “I understand. There’s a lot of them, huh?” Snorting, Gerard just nodded slowly lowering himself next to the man. “Sadly enough yes…” Knotting his fingers together he rested his chin upon him, elbows bracing on his knees. “That’s an understatement.” He sighed heavily.

Gerard could not agree more to him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys, you guys, you GUYS. I am so so so happy to be saying I have gotten into the writing groove again. My grades are exactly where they need to be and I've gotten myself where I need to be, too. I will be updating a lot more as well, so be on the look out!

Frank continued watching him throughout the days they had work or meetings, Gerard was something else. He ignored him mostly, focusing on things that excluded Frank from the equation. Allen kept tight to Gerard’s side as always, seemingly protective of him. Maybe it was the fact Gerard’s reputation was on the line with this new Jake Bass character coming into play in the same company and taking the teen girls by surprise. Today, he wore the usual skinny jeans with a hoodie over a wife beater with a coffee cup in his hands, Starbucks as always. His eyes, casted downwards to the grimy tiled floors, held the same captive blank emotion as if to keep his emotions inside the safe he created for himself.

As Frank messed with the mic he had in his ear his large hazel eyes continued watching the beauty expecting something - any sign of indication he saw him. Allen was nowhere in sight which meant if Frank chose, he could speak to him once and for all after a two weeks silence. Sure, he spoke to his brother asking insane amounts of questions like ‘has he spoke of me?’ ‘does he ask about me too?’ The same answer was no. Glancing about the busy people sparking ruckus amongst the set, Frank’s lips twitched into a little smug smirk his hands dropping from the headset.

“Hey, Gerard.” Gerard blinked, glancing up to the side with narrowed suspicious eyes. “There somethin’ you’re needing?” He asked in a hard tone rising to his feet from the chair suddenly. Panic sparked through Frank making his arm fly out to grip Gerard’s to make sure he couldn’t leave. His eyes, hard and alarmed beneath the shell of honey in the hazel. He refused to let go not even caring that he looked like he was about to drop his coffee to beat him to a pulp. “Yeah, there is.” Frank spoke up, sucking on his lip ring to click against his upper teeth. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened at the party - It was extremely wrong of me to just make assumptions, you know?”

Gerard’s eyebrows raised partly his eyes portraying the shock his body refused to. Their eyes held their gaze making his heart speed up a bit more in his chest from the chemical reactions The dark haired angel stirred up inside him. “So, uh… I’m really sorry. You’re not a uh - y’know…” His arm tugged away from his grip not harshly, just sternly. Sternly enough for him to get the memo. “Thanks uh,” He looked up at the people eyes scanning for someone, something, as he sipped his coffee bringing it to his chapped lips. 

All Frank could do was watch in amazement as Gerard, even distracted, was someone so beautiful it was unnatural, almost supernatural. His skin was so pale it glowed just like the halo of an angel, except everything on him glowed. His eyes were so intense and sharp but soft just like the feather of a swan. Frank had to constantly hold himself back from tucking some of his wild hair behind his ear, or from stroking his cheek with the back of his hand just to feel how soft the skin is beneath it. Gerard looked back at him, an eyebrow shooting up. “Why’re you staring at me like that?” He asked softly. His voice, though covered in something like cold steel, his eyes smiled at him. “Like what?” Frank sputtered his mouth falling open for a moment.

He struggled to find his words his tongue fumbling along the walls of his mouth like rocks in a washing machine. “Like what? I-I dunno what you’re talking about.” His lips wobbled before he managed to smirk right at Gerard. Instead of sneering or something as equally persistent, he smiled at him. Genuine, cute, and totally fucking heart stopping. “Don’t try to look so intimidating.” He teased with a roll of his eyes. He plopped back in his seat using the toe of his shoes to push and roll along the floors watching everyone going on and on about the business. Frank smiled back, sort of relieved that he hadn’t accused him of flirting to him.

It was exactly what he was doing, right?

"I’m not trying to,” Frank sighed looking down at his boots kicking along the ground. “Just trying to make my place here, ya know?” Gerard nodded in agreement sipping some of his drink again before sighing out a little breath. “It’s tough starting out here. How many people have mistaken you for an actor?” He couldn’t hide the bubble of laughter rising up from his abdomen. Gerard smiled lopsidedly shaking his head as he laughed a little laugh that sounded like bells to him. “I’m being serious, the first time I saw you I thought you were a twink.”

Blood rushed up to Frank’s cheeks as he stared at Gerard in shock, mouth agape. “Are you serious?” Gerard saw him as a twink - a cute little teen that takes it up the ass. He had yet to distinguish it between good and bad. “Yeah, I am!” He replied, looking up at Frank again. “I mean, c’mon, you’re so small and itty bitty.” “You think I could talk someone into getting me a position?” “Probably, I just wouldn’t take the risk of it.” He replied, tossing the empty cup he holstered into a trashcan a few feet away.  “It’s not as easy as it looks.”

Gerard rose to his feet fishing for the cigarettes in his pockets tugging out a full carton. Frank’s eyes measured him steadily taking in the graceful stance he had. “Smoke break?” Gerard offered, holding out one to him. Frank nodded, taking a cigarette following him out the back. The wind was chilled a slap in the face as soon as the door was opened. Gerard, smiling fondly, he relaxed leaning against the back of the hollywood building. His eyes risen up to the sky watching the little mist of clouds blow along the baby blue skies.

He brought the lighter to the tip of the stick between his lips taking soft small drags of it as soon as the red showed. Frank took it from him immediately feeling the old habit come back to him as he too, took his drags. “It’s so pretty out,” Sighed Gerard. Frank flickered his eyes to him watching the way he relaxed beneath the sky. “It’s not too hot, the skies pretty, everything is just…” “Calm,” Frank finished. Glancing at him, Gerard nodded giving another soft smile when he held the cigarette between two of his fingers putting it to his side. “I like nature.” “Me too. I like animals too, I’ve always wanted to pet a kangaroo.” “I heard they pack a mean punch.”

The two men erupted in gentle laughter at the lame joke, but Frank found him so much more adorable. “Why are you at work today?” Frank asked remembering the last meeting they had, it was for producers only. “Actors don’t come in until next week.” “Allen needed me,” He replied his smile dropping a tad bit. “He wanted to discuss things.” The emotion in his eyes changed when he said that, squirming his hips enough to brush his bosom against the wall.Frank realized that Gerard didn’t mean any type of business for the movies, no. “You guys had a private meeting?” Frank asked, lips pursed. Gerard looked over at him with a not so obvious narrow of his eyes. “Yeah, he always does.”

Frank felt his chest sink a little watching the way Gerard’s smile disappeared and his eyes hid away again. Emotionless. Silence stimmed between them. Frank frowned at that, asking softly, “He’s not just your manager is he?” “What?” Gerard cried in alarm, eyes wide as he stared incredulously at him. “You think he’s my boyfriend or some shit?” “Guilty conscious?” Frank accused with a little smirk. “I was asking.” “He’s my manager, that’s it.” He replied as he tossed his cigarette down, digging it out with the heels of his shoes. “Nice meeting you again, Frank.” He turned back inside before Frank could object, but he followed him.

“Gerard, no, I didn’t mean it in any way-” “Save it, Frank.” He sighed with a shake of his head brushing past one of the camera crew men. “No, Gerard, I swear I didn’t mean it in any way offensively.” He cried. “I was just asking-” His little feet couldn't keep up with the longer strides the actor was taking. “Slam.” Frank flinched back when the dressing room door shut in his face. He sighed softly knocking gently. “Gerard, I didn’t mean it in an offensive way. I was asking a general question.”

There was no response.

Frank waited before knocking again.

The door pulled open with Gerard looking at him with stern pursed lips. “I swear, it was just a question. I didn’t mean to offend you.” His eyes flickered over Gerard’s face then he searched his eyes for any sign of emotion inside of them. They still had that same hard stare that made him shrink a little on the inside. Frank’s eyes narrowed for a bit before he spoke again, “I wanna prove it. Let’s go out for lunch.”  

Gerard frowned a bit more. “Why?” “I wanna make it up to you. I’ll pay for everything.”

“Fine.” Sighed Gerard. “Let me get my stuff.”

To say Frank was nervous was an understatement. They decided on a little diner down the street from where Gerard’s apartment resided. The two men sat in a booth with coffee in hand. Frank watched as Gerard sat back with a slouch the little white cup being held between his two artistic hands. They were prominent and pale, the veins standing out beneath them like a little sign. There was something about his hands Frank couldn’t stop day dreaming of.

Taking notice of Frank’s fascination Gerard’s eyebrow shot up but he gave a smile. “Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, flicking his black hair out of his face. Frank just shrugged, glancing away before he looked back with a hint of a smile. “Like what? I was noticing the fact that your fingers are trembling.” Blinking a few times, he glanced down with a shrug. “Yeah, they do that.” “Old man,” Frank joked. Partly.“How old are you anyways?” Hr asked critically gazing at him with challenge. Frank wavered a little bit before answering in a small tone, “Twenty four.” He smirked then bringing the cold rim to sip the warm black liquid. “Pretty young to be in a business.” “Yeah,” Frank sighed scratching at his neck almost awkwardly. “I just graduated last may, really. I got promoted at one of the technology groups in google. I found myself here after someone asked about a job offer. They pay well, plus I can move closer to my mom.”

"You and your mom close?” Gerard wondered leaning back on the velvet red booth as he looked the younger man closer, observing how young he appeared. “After my parents divorced I moved in with her. Sure, my dad and I are close. I just get along more with my mom you know?” He nodded slowly looking up as the waitress approached setting down his chicken fingers and Frank’s vegetarian sandwich. He waited until she left to speak again.

“Yeah, I used to be close to my mom too. That ended as soon as I started acting.” The two men let the silence linger only disturbed by the clinking of silverware. Frank opened his mouth to ask why when he noticed Gerard’s eyes lingered to the tattoos decorating his toned arms. He reached out to grab his left arm turning it upside down to trace the red lines spiraling within the ink he had. Frank’s stomach tightened at his touch watching how his soft fingers ran along his skin sending electrical sparks that went right down to his nerves.

“I got those just a few months ago.” Gerard’s eyes flickered up to him. Frank cleared his throat before he met his eyes almost sheepishly. He couldn’t help but to notice how sharp his eyes appeared. They were the most perfect shade of hazel he’s ever seen like fall leaves but… Sparkling. “I always wanted one,” He muttered pulling his hand back and sitting up straighter. “I’m too afraid of needles.”

Frank giggled a little at that but shrugged, “A friend of mine went with me and looked as if he was gonna pass out.” “My younger brother has one on his arm for a band he and I were in when we were younger. We played songs for our family it’s right here.” He stuck his arm up on the table showing the bottom of his arm. Electrical blue veins started up his arm but something else caught Frank’s eyes. There, on the base of his wrist, were four scarlet risen scars. He recognized those almost immediately-

Gerard’s arm retreated tugging down the sleeve of his shirt as he bit into the crispy skin of chicken. “I refused to go with him,” Hr continued blissfully unaware of the man’s confusion before him. “That, and the fact he and I haven’t really been spending time together. He’s busy with his business and pregnant fiance. While I’m busy with… Whatever.”

Frank nodded because he understood completely. He himself hadn’t got to speak to his mother in quite a while let alone visit her as often as he needed to. He refused to say that he was a momma’s boy to any of the other guys, but he completely was. “So, working in porn can be busy?” Frank asked, looking up as he wiped his mouth with a napkin to scrape the vinegar from his plump lips. “Completely. Acting is acting you know? Pay is pay gotta make a living some how.”

“You’re fuckin’ brave.” Frank chuckled, pushing his plate away with a content sigh. “I couldn’t do it.” “I did it just because I could. Figured it’d be fun,” But it’s hell. “It must be fun to get fucked all the time and get paid for it.” Something clicked in Gerard’s eyes that made Frank wanna immediately take back what he said. “You think it’s fun to be fucked for money?” Gerard demanded in a hard tone. “I didn’t mean it like that - I meant it must be fun, y’know, getting paid for something you like to do."

With a shake of his head he sneered as he shoved his hand into his pants to pull out his wallet to pay for his food and leave. “Y’know, we’re actors not whores.” He said setting a twenty on the table. He rose to his feet startled when Frank placed a hand on his arm. He looked up at him with a glare until he saw the apology swimming in his wide eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that, I know you’re not… Like that.”

“Funny, you hardly know me at all.” He snorted. “See you some other time, yeah?” Frank’s heart did a double take as he began walking away to his car sitting right outside the transparent windows. “Gerard, wait!” He called out running after him until he could grab his arm again. When Gerard faced him again Frank said, “I would like to get to know you. I mean… It’s nice having a colleague. Especially someone like you who understands what it’s like to work hard, you know? So… I would appreciate actually... Hanging out with you sometime.”

Blinking a few times, Gerard felt his heart suddenly warm with the warmth that brought to his stone cold heart. The way his eyes just looked so open and honest made his mind up. His lips tugged into a little lopsided smile with a nod. “I’d like that too, Frank.” he honestly loved the idea of having a friend around.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait, guys. I've been trying to really get back in the groove of writing after a lot of stuff in ife and all that. It's more of a filler before the next chapter soon.

Gerard had been in a pretty decent sleep when his phone rang through the dingy dream state causing an agitated gripe sound from him. Ruffling inside the satin blankets he reached a milky arm to grasp the shrilling sorry contraption to stifle the annoying noise. “Hello?” He grumbled as he sat up against the dark oak headboard the blankets pooling up around his waist as he dug the heel of his palm into his crusty eyes. An unfamiliar female voice reached through the phone in a too measured tone. “Is this Gerard Way? Brother of Mikey Way?” With a roll of his eyes he retorted quite the antagonized, “Yes, this is he. Why are you calling at-” He broke apart to look at the time this female called, “three AM?”

He heard a slight rustling of paper over the line and what came next he couldn’t think he would ever hear in all his years of life. “Mikey Way has been admitted to Saint Catherines Hospital. My name is Jacqueline Hill, I’m one of the nurse stationed here. He was admitted an hour ago for a potential overdose, and we were told to reach out to any family we had on record.” Overdose? _Mikey?_

His eyes were beading out of his head as he stared accusingly at the wall across from his bed venomous thoughts interjected through the nurse’s voice as it became a distant hum. “I-I’ll be there.” He murmured his body moving on autopilot grabbing the nearest clothing. He left his phone abandoned on the bed as he grabbed his keys racing out of the apartment the door erupting in an ear shattering clatter as it slammed into its holding. Images of Mikey and himself spiraled through his mind from previous times of late night drinking and marijuana smoking, had he never moved on from that?

Guilt weighed heavily on his shoulders, and on both of them was a devil and an angel. One blaming him for ever introducing his younger brother to such a toxic bunch of chemicals in the first place. The angel on the other hand heavily detested the statements assuring him he hadn’t seen him in years, and that this was by no way his fault. Blinking tears rapidly from his eyes he started up the engine of his Jaguar tearing out of the driveway like he was in Talladega.

He had to reach the hospital, he couldn’t let his younger brother follow suit of his deadly habits. He just got him back again. It occurred to him that both his parents would most likely be there, but whatever grudges they were holding to him would have to wait. This was about Mikey, and whatever problems he hid for so long. Lights flashed through his windows sliding across Gerard’s shadowed face highlighting the keen eyed stare. He barely paid any attention to the red lights he ran when the menacing glaring white building came into view.

Taking a sharp turn he parked crookedly racing to the entrance of the ER. Reaching the receptionist counter he hastily asked, “Mikey Way, admitted.” It didn’t make sense he knew, but the nurse, taking in his ragged appearance and swollen puffy eyes seemed to understand. “Room 305, he’s going in for surgery right now.” The woman in the Pooh scrubs informed him. Nodding, he ran down the hall that stretched endlessly before him like a bad dream. He bypassed every wing until he found the sign that read _300-400 ICU Wing._ He ripped that corner as well until he came face to face with a waiting room.

Gerard’s breath hitched when he made instant eye contact with the platinum haired woman with a tear stained face. Donna and Donald Way sat bunched together into each other a box of tissues sitting in her lap, her chest rising and falling rapidly with each choking sob. Her eyes seemed to grow wide finding him there and rose to her feet. The dark skirt she wore fell to her ankles as she raced over embracing her eldest tightly. Frozen in shock, Gerard let himself envelope the familiar comfort holding his mother tightly.

She still smelled like the old drugstore perfume she bathed in when he was younger and to have that there with him right now, it was more than enough to make him tighten his hold on her to keep her from slipping away again. There were no words spoken as the elderly woman sobbed on his shoulder dampening his cotton shirt, but like her, Gerard was wetting her messy hair with his own tears. Donald stayed where he sat in the uncomfortable steel chairs with his head bowed into his knotted fingers, elbows resting on his knees. He wasn’t crying. He never did. That’s one thing Gerard got from him was his anger, his compassion. He’d never seen his dad even come close to leak a tear once, not even when his own son could possibly be dying.

Pulling away, Donna took Gerard’s cold hand firmly whispering tightly through her own haze of tears, “My baby.” Her soft hand touched his cheek affectionately swiping away a rolling tear with her long nailed thumb sniffling softly. “Did you know your brother did drugs?” She asked softly. Biting his lip he responded in a hushed whisper, “I didn’t. I haven’t been around all that much to know.” At that, Donne bowed her head leading them both to take a seat in the hospital chair on the other side of her.

Gerard hated hospitals and the smell of them, he silently cursed Mikey for doing this to himself and bringing him here. The worrisome events of his brother caused him more anxiousness of his condition than his own problem right now. His hand covered his mothers rubbing his thumb along the top of her hand looking down at it, flipping over to trace the delicate lines of her palm. His breath came shakier now the tears quieted down enough for him to form actual sentences. “Did you just get here?” He asked turning his attention to his weeping mother beside him. “We got here an hour ago. We kept pestering the nurse to call you since we got here.”

His eyes flickered over to Donald when he spoke a little frown on his lips. His father met his eyes, instead of the usual contempt that was there in his eyes there was a little bit of relief, worry, and adoration it seemed. “I was sleeping.” He confessed with a frown. “I went out shopping after lunch yesterday, and wore myself out.” “I’d say so.” Donna uttered. “We’ve been calling you for an hour straight too. Don’t you have your phone on you?”

Eyes widening, Gerard patted himself down with a disturbed sigh shaking his head. He must’ve left it at home. Shit, Allen is gonna kill him. “No, I think I  left it at home somewhere or I dropped it on the way in. I got the call and came straight here.” With a little flick of her lips she patted his lap affectionately, apologetically. “It’s all right, dear. I’m just so overjoyed you’re here, sadly it’s under this circumstance.” Feeling his heart wrench he drawed a muscled arm around his mother’s shoulders squeezing her into his shoulder with just a grave nod of agreement.

It was around six AM when the doctor finally made his appearance. He was a tall scrawny man with slicked back hair showing off his dumbo-like ears. His eyes held a look Gerard was too familiar with and it made his heart tumble. Donna had long been sleeping on her son’s shoulder Donald going out for a quick minute to go get some breakfast food from the cafe downstairs. Nudging his mother’s shoulder she bolted upright stumbling out of her seat to get to the uniformed man. “Are you here for Mikey Way?” She demanded distressed.

“I am. I’m Dr. Colt, we pumped his stomach but it seemed whoever called him in was an hour and a half late. We don’t think he’s gonna make i-” “What drugs were there?” Gerard shouted feeling his temper rise as fast as a burning fever. His hands began to shake his heart pounding in his ears like a giant bass drum nearly deafening him for the solemn news. “Methamphetamine, cocaine, self prescription of all types…” Gerard’s stomach did a somersault and unable to hold back the repugnant wad of emotions hurtling for the trashcan barely making the basket there. Over the retching he could hear Donna’s weeping and Donald’s alarmed cry.

Mikey was intaking the real drugs. The real shit that left long term effects of damage. Now, it seemed like Mikey had a very slim time of living. Wiping his mouth with the bottom of his shirt he sluggishly pulled himself back up rolling his neck to find both his parent’s worried gazes on him. He blinked in confusion before figuring one of them had said something. “What?” He wondered. Donald peered at him from beneath his spectacles repeating, “Would you like to go first to see your brother?”

Gerard was quick to deny the offer with a quick explanation of not deserving to. “Sweetie, of course you do. We see him all the time, you can be quick if you’d like to.” Swallowing the lump in his throat Gerard just gave a quick nod his lips pursed in a thin line not protesting another word. Gerard came face to face with the stark white door with only the dark numbers printed near the doorway, Mikey’s name was not yet on the board of who possessed the room for now. From outside he could hear the signal of the heart monitor, slower than usual, but definitely stable.

Breathing in an extensive breath through his nose he tried his best to push anything negative in the back of his mind as his hand rested on the handle. He didn’t know what he was expecting when he entered. There lay his little brother looking more like someone on the edge of their deathbed beneath the heavy tubing and equipment that disturbed his youthful face. There was remnants of vomit on the side of his face his hair slicked back but most of it in a disarray that never belonged on his pretty head.

He wanted to turn away and walk right back out the door. He couldn’t take this again, not with Mikey. He wasn’t even _worthy_ of being the first one to see him at all. He only met Mikey for the first time in a long while just a few days, two weeks prior. His shoes shrieked against the waxed tiled floor until his hand rested on the railing of his hospital bed. Tubing was taped to his face, one for oxygen, the other one going down to his stomach to suck up the bitterness left behind. “Mikey, why…” He whispered as tears clouded his vision again. “Why couldn’t you just walk away from all of this?”

He pressed the back of his hand to Mikey’s stone cold cheek flinching away from it just stuffing his hand back into his jean pockets. “You’re too good for this. You don’t need to follow up behind me,” he told him sincerely the emotion swimming in his eyes. “I fucked up in the past, I haven’t been there for you when I really should have been. I’m here now, I can make up for all the time we lost…” Though he knew he couldn’t he wanted to hope he could hear him and wake. Just like that.

Slumping at his brother’s side in the chair he let the sobs escape him until his visiting hours were done.

It was eightthat evening when he finally got home from the hospital feeling truly and completely drained from all the emotions still swirling in his head. He grabbed his keys from his pocket unlocking the front door and stepped in not finding any comfort in this place he called home. The walls seemed to be mocking him, watching him like a fierce competitor in an arm’s race. From his room came the shrilling of his phone he didn’t miss at all. Breathing out a sigh he made his way there picking it up to find thirty missed calls, most from Allen, the company, and some unknown number. That one called only once.

Each voicemail was either about a meet and greet or just another time he was set up to do another movie, just a few months away which gave him time to focus on his life now. The final one was Frank’s voice sounding out of the speaker. He furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion pushing the accept button. _“Hey, um, I hope you don’t mind. I got the number from someone in the company. I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime, just to have fun. Call me back, yeah?”_

Gerard smiled, a real little one and dialed his number. “Hey, Frank? It’s Gerard. Could we meet up tomorrow?”

 He felt, with Frank, he didn't have to create the personal fantasy he always did to escape the reality of things. For the first time in forever he found the last canvas he invested in years back and reminants of acryllic paint. He sat at his easel and began to flourish the base of his fantasy land. Before him developed lush green grass his hands stroking up artfully to show the swaying movement of nature. The sky behind his was a clear crystal blue with hues of greens, yellows, and even more so, a sunlight that rained down on the one stray daisy in the middle. Gerard grined to himself. Frank. That was his saisy. The one that drew his fantasy together.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler for the time being, the good stuff is gonna start happening right after this chapter, I promise. In other words: To keep in touch with me in case any of you have any ideas you wanna share for what's gonna happen in this story you can reach me at my tumblr: allright-gatsby.tumblr.com/

Gerard was on his way to visit Mikey once again the next day when ACDC blared from his phone sitting in the GPS console of his car. Without taking his eyes from the road he clocked the answer button so the voice rang through on his bluetooth capability. “Gerard, doll.” Allen’s voice came through smooth like satin. “I dropped by your place. You weren’t there. Where are you?” Giving his manager a roll of his eyes, taking a deep breath to push the nerves down he responded just as calm, “My brother got put in the hospital about yesterday, I’m on my way to go see him.” For a moment there was only the purr of his car as he traveled in the Northbound lane on the highway.

Allen sighed from the speakers as he responded, his temper spiking as his one became sharper. “You are supposed to come across me before you make plans. I came by today to let you know your agent has a photo shoot planned for you, and we wanted to correspond with a date.” “Well,” Began Gerard a smirk toying on his lips as thoughts of all kind of illegal filth skimmed through his brain piece, “I think I’ll call him back today. I’ll be at the hospital with my brother.” Allen tsked. “All day? I never knew you had a brother. What kind of condition is he in?”

Gerard knew that if there was any way of getting out of Allen’s metaphorical dog house, and cover his ass for he and Frank’s night out tonight, he had to find a good cop out. In a really, extremely bitter way, he was gonna use Mikey to his advantage. “I do, we’ve got a four years different between us. He’s in critical condition, an overdose.” Allen muttered something which Gerard didn’t catch because he was too busy honking at a motherfucking corvette that just cut him off completely.

The hospital was in his line of sight. “Look - I’ll call you once I get back tonight, okay, Al’?” Gerard asked in a sickening sweet tone using his pet name. He knew from experience he liked it. He shuddered. “Call me as soon as you get home. Love you doll.” Gerard didn’t respond only cut the line short as he tugged his trans am into the dusky car lot connected to Saint Catherine’s.

Manager’s were nothing but controlling snakes, well, his was. Before, he believed his was Allen’s partner in crime with the occasional hookups every now and then. He was his best friend until he turned on him, throwing him under the bus. The thoughts of him now stalled his tongue like left out bread he just ate. To make shit worse, that stupid ass corvette was still in front of him too. Damn it. He angled his neck to try and see around the damn car, but the driver was persistent, taking every turn Gerard wanted to.

It didn’t help as soon as he saw a parking spot, the bastard stole it.

Finding an empty space a few cars down Gerard climbed out fixing his jeans and straightening out his sweater. He flicked his chin up hearing the reverberation of a slamming car door coming from the direction of the conveyance. He stomped over crying out, “That was a dick move you made!” The driver, who had his back turned to Gerard, merely climbed out. Whoever it was, though quite a dark inky atmosphere around them, was dressed head to toe in semi-expensive clothing. A suit possibly? It was no woman, and quite a short masculine figure.

“Well, you were riding my ass.” The familiar voice snapped. He turned and Gerard felt his stomach lurch when Frank was face to face glaring at him with purpose. He wasn’t wearing a suit though, just black jeans and a black T-shirt with kohl eyeliner smudged around his large puppy like eyes that watched him with a corresponding surprised look. “Gerard?” “Frank?” They demanded at the same time, the anger melting from both of them as both men suddenly erupted in laughter. “What are you doing here?” They both asked in unison, cackling like teenagers once more. “I’m sorry,” Frank pardoned sincerely, “you go first.”

Sucking on his lower lip anxiously Gerard spared a glance around taking in the sparkling reflection of the sun on the car’s metallic paint job from where one of the gaps in the cement framing. He then switched to nibbling on the inside of his cheek taking in a breath releasing it in an auditory groan. “Mikey.” Was all he said. He watched Frank’s expression turn to one of curiosity to remorse, reaching a tattooed hand to rest on Gerard’s broad shoulders for a moment. “He’ll be okay.” 

Raising an eyebrow, he turn to start walking hoping that it would give Frank enough kick in the ass to let him know that he was more than ready to go check on his brother than useless chit chat. “How’d you know about it?” Frank shuffled up to his side hitting the button for the elevator leading up to the fourth floor where the ICU units were placed, kicking the gravel with his shoe. He stuffed his hands in his pockets looking to the ground then Gerard again with a measured expression. It made Gerard tense up for a moment in time, he didn’t say anything.

It wasn’t until the elevator dinged and the stepped on that Frank said, “Ray called me. I forgot he gave me his number, it was right after you called me.” Nodding, Gerard murmured, “It’s my fault, you know. We started recreational drugs and kids, just stupid ass teenagers. I didn’t think he’d get hooked on them.” He really didn’t expect to feel all this guilt when the drug use was consensual, it wasn’t like he held his little brother’s head over the line yelling, “Do it or you die.” It’s what it felt like though, it became nothing more than monkey see, monkey do.

“I don’t think that’s true.” Frank spoke quietly. His eyes were full of doubt at the statement watching Gerard unfold like a poorly rolled up piece of paper. He was much different off camera, many stars were. Where on movies and videos he appeared valiant and full of life, so publicly god-like, he was nothing but a hermit. Something rang between them though as they approached the ICU floor that there is something much more to him than he’s letting on.

He scarcely mentioned his past to anyone as far as the public and most people he was accommodated with on set, he was the lone stranger who just appeared one day and that was it. Gerard just smirked in reply, saying nothing more because he was already ahead of him by the door that was slightly ajar. Gerard froze outside the door the image of Mikey like this sketched permanently into his brain, it became more and more disturbing to him each moment he met him in person. Giving Gerard his space, Frank waited patiently watching as the dark haired one came to struggle.

Swallowing the forming lump in his throat he finally pushed himself past his boarders of comfort to walk into the stale room. The heart monitor on Mikey’s still finger never once twitched, but he was off the ventilator now. So that was a striving sign of improvement. Anything helped at this moment. “Hey, Mikes.” Gerard whispered stroking his palm along Mikey’s greasy hair slick with left in gel that had yet to be washed out. Frank walked in, remaining quiet to let the brothers’ have their moment.

He felt like he was intruding on a private family moment as Gerard grabbed Mikey’s large hands between two of his own bringing it to his lips to kiss it. He pretended he didn’t hear Gerard sniffle as he held him close. His shoulders shook as he tried and tried to swallow down the sobs swelling up inside him with no prevail. Frank kneeled by him, placing a hand on his knee leaning his forehead against Gerard’s forearm rubbing his back with the other hand of his. Gerard tensed up like a spring until, “Gerard, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Why that consoled Gerard, he couldn’t explain. It only made his stomach drop. He didn’t move Frank away though, he only attempted to pretend he wasn’t there despite the warmth that filled him from Frank’s actions.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon as the sun poked its head out from behind the clouds then hid again, it seemed the star itself was mourning for him. It began to rain, light at first the heavier until the droplets drummed down on the ceiling filling the quiet room with its rhythm. “Do you wanna go to the cafeteria to eat?” Frank asked, now on the window seat across the room looking towards Gerard where he didn’t budge from the bedside. He glanced up with a startled yelp. “I don’t wanna leave his side…” “The doctors can take care of him, it’s only two floors down.”

“What about our plans for today? We’re supposed to go out in…” He looked down at his phone clock, it was now four forty. “Literally, in half an hour.” He almost forgot about it. “This is more important than just some shitty, expensive restaurant.” “You were planning to take me out to somewhere like that?” Gerard cried in alarm. “I told you it wasn’t a date or anything like that.” Ducking under his fringe, Frank’s cheeks burned scarlet it was plain enough for Gerard to see. “Well, I know it wasn’t. I just wanted to go have a good time.” “And a restaurant like that is a good time?”

His eyebrow cocked up temporarily letting the suspense hang between the two like a thin silk spiderweb. “Sorry.” The tone the word was said was cold, and immediately Gerard felt compunction. “I’m sorry, no that was rude of me. I’m just not used to someone else treating me, but we don’t have to go to an expensive dining out to have fun.” He settled Mikey’s hand back at his side looking to the heart monitor screen to make sure everything was still functioning, sixty to one hundred beats a minute, he measured. Normal. “Well, there’s a Wendy’s down the road…”

Frank felt a little smile come to his lips watching Gerard rise. “Are you asking me out, Way?” Snorting in reply to Frank’s chides he just giggled. It was the cutest thing Frank ever heard. “No, shortstop.” Gerard replied with a teasing glint in his hazel eyes. “I’m hungry as fuck, plus, I want some ice cream it solves everything.” Gerard waited for Frank at the doorway rubbing his stomach for emphasis.

He didn’t know why he didn’t see it before, but Frank really was something that could make him switch emotions faster than someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he could make him smile when he was sad. It was difficult to do that with anyone besides Mikey. He was short, in retrospect with large pretty eyes that would make him cave in after a mean ass comment, or at just one beg. Like a puppy. Frank is a cute puppy.

“Take my car.” Gerard said. “I don’t wanna get rear ended by someone because your goddamn car cuts someone off.” Frank erupted in laughter then giving his arm a shove. He stumbled, walking it off all nonchalantly. He didn’t even think he noticed. “You ride peoples’ asses.” He retorted with a smirk. “I’d rather ride asses than ride dicks.” Gerard countered. It took the act of God for Frank to bite his tongue to not point out the irony of his sentence. Instead, he just smiled at him. Gerard smiled back.

When they returned back to the hospital room the two realized there was extra company, besides one doctor giving Mikey’s vital signs a look through, nodding and humming when appropriate, Ray was waiting where Gerard had once been. Gerard carried an armful of food from Wendy's. What? He was hungry and went balls out when he was. Frank grinned seeing the fluffy haired man waiting with wise guiding eyes as he rose to hug them both, well, for the most part. He barely got an arm around Gerard’s shoulders before he started wobbling with the aroma of food.

“Did you bring me anything?” Ray asked clapping Frank’s back affectionately. “I think Gerard got most of the food, but I doubt his little self will eat it all.” With a roll of his eyes, Gerard nodded sitting everything down upon a small foldable bedside table. “You might have to get a drink from a vending machine, but I got a shit ton of nuggets, fries, and hamburgers-” “Hamburgers.” Ray breathed rushing over to grab one out like a savage.

Gerard watched with a questioning eyebrow raised when Ray met his gaze with a wide, yet unashamed toothy grin. “Worked double shift at the club last night. I’m fucking starving.” Frank giggled at him just shaking his head as he allowed himself to eat on a carton of large fries. Gerard and Ray talked while Frank listened, suggesting his input when he felt needed. He mostly focused on how Gerard talked with mostly one side of his mouth, signalling his point across with a wave of a hand or two.

His eyes were lively with emotions and energy from their conversation whether it was work, catching up since the last time they saw each other, or just movies in general. “Conan The Barbarian was badass.” Gerard said when he turned to look at Frank with a look that read, Why are you watching me? A slight blush crept to his cheeks and Frank exclaimed suddenly, “I liked it.” “Really?” Gerard challenged with a knowing smirk. “What was your favorite thing ever?” Ray too, even with a mouthful of his third burger at this point, watched him with curiosity. Frank hesitated, squirming about in his seat, touching his neck, knees, and hair before he shrugged. “I liked lots of things that happened.” He didn’t really know much about the show if he had to be honest, he just wanted to be one to have a reason to watch Gerard as he spoke.

Ray wasn’t dumb, he recognized the emotions in Frank’s eyes rather he knew it or not. Gerard seemed just as oblivious. If Mikey were awake at the moment, he’d add onto his suspicions too. He gazed upon him like a catholic woman would if Jesus were before her. His eyes followed Gerard’s every move like a lost puppy, he would find reasons just to touch him.

There was a spark between them, and Gerard being too stubborn to fully accept that he had a chance, wouldn’t see it until it was too late, or not even analyze it at all. Mikey would know though. He’d make that magic happen no matter how much shit he’d get in return for it. He turned to look at him landing a hand over one of Mikey’s cool one rubbing his thumb over it. “You know, I never knew he’d be here.”

Gerard looked over at Ray then at his comment dropping his eyes to the soft approaching hand on top of his brother’s creating a dense cloud of despair in the room again as the conversation came to an abrupt halt. “I thought he was clean, you know. Sure he and I used to smoke weed with otter and Bob, and have our fair share of alcoholic states…” His voice was gloomy his usually electric eyes followed suit, doused in oppression. Gerard swallowed then flickering to him. “How long did you guys do that for..?” He asked cautiously. “How long after I left?”

He snorted in reply which startled Gerard himself. “We never stopped after you left. We partied hard until he and I finally found stable jobs. He went to college, we went to separate ways in the sense of a party life. Sure, we hung out, but…” Frank frowned as he watched Gerard deflate visibly. He placed a hand over his and just like that - his walls were back up cancelling him out. He hitched his arm back away from him his tense posture coming back.

Gerard hoped, by at least by some essential standpoint his exit meant something enough to bring Mikey to get better. Gerard couldn’t, he wasn’t smart enough and by God, Mikey is. He clenched his teeth rising from his seat as he said stiffly, “Call me and let me know if anything happens. I’ve got to call Allen.” Frank frowned looking from Ray to him rising to his feet as well. “I’ll walk you out. What time do you want me to pick you up tonight?” He asked.

The look he got from him silenced Frank enough. His eyes were narrowed like rice grains the sneer on his face something so animalistic and hateful, spite raidated from his clenched teeth. "I've got more important shit to do." He countered tightly before he strutted out. It left Ray and Frank behind looking at him. Ray had no clue who this Gerard was, but he knew all along that the kid he knew had changed. He looked to Frank for an explanation. He hadn't a clue either.

One thing Frank did know was:

There was gonna be no hanging out tonight.

****  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It isn't much, but I've been writing a lot due to schools and listening to brother gave me an inspiration.

It was easier being a dick so no one could get past your walls and defenses, it’s easier that way just so you don’t become such a growing burden on people, because face it: That’s all Gerard believed he was now. Mostly, to protect himself from the world he already let himself become exposed to once. He plopped down on his couch his face falling in his hands as tears escaped his eyes feeling his chest tighten pitifully causing him to shake his head quickly as if to somehow clear it all away. He was tired of feeling so helpless and stupid, so angry, bitter, broken. All because he himself attracted the bad, and hardly ever the good.

Not that Frank wasn’t part of the good, because he undoubtedly is. He had that charming smile with that striking laugh that made his stomach tighten up. He always dreamed of someone like him, but now after spending time with him, he was dreaming of Frank. With that, he couldn’t pull it into a huge picture because wow. Gerard Way who hates damn near every single person on the planet will admittedly fall to his knees just to grace the lands which his feet touched. He never felt such an emotion.

Without trying, Frank could just make the building dark clouds around him disappear making the sun beam through on him like the angel did to Mary.

He heaved out clutching sob after sob finding the walls of his home closing in on him tightly like a constricting boa. His head turbulated through the thoughts of Frank and everything he was doing to him. He formed such a weird type of clay in his tiny little producing hands. He took in a deep breath moving his fingers through his hair to brush the oily strands from his face watching the salty thick liquid plop onto the floor beneath his spread legs. The thing that bothered him most now is why someone as little as Frank was disturbing him more than his brother right now?

He was extremely hurt by the fact that even after Gerard left, Mikey didn’t stop the drugs and the partying. He should’ve known when he went to his get together that he wasn’t completely there and sober. He could hide a lot, but he guessed since he’s been missing in action for so long that he forgot how to read his face. He didn’t dare show a lot of emotion, but his eyes sure did. They were blanketed by thick shields of voids that no one would think twice to observe. Being his brother, Gerard knew better.

He was hoping that what he did would be an eye opener to his younger brother.

He never wanted this sort of thing to build on the young Way’s shoulders and weigh him down. Drugs were a monster from the inside that built a different part of you. Temptation whispered in your ear, day after sober day, until you craved in. To think Mikey had heard it guiding him to its lair, it wasn’t at all what he could fathom. No matter how strong and persistent the person may be, when in the hands of death, there was no escaping.

Now, no one was sure if he’d ever open his eyes again.

Like always, he blamed himself. He couldn’t forgive himself for the happenings. It should’ve been him. Gerard Way, older brother, the one who disgraced his family name by taking cock up his ass, to go. He should’ve been in the ambulance instead of him. He didn’t have much of a life to live anyways. He felt dead inside as it is, why couldn’t he just trade places?

Bringing his hands to his face he scrubbed it with his shaking palms taking in a deep breath, sucking up the snot to build himself back up again. He couldn’t keep letting himself break down like this. What he did next even surprised himself. He began to have that weird tugging at his heart, the itching in his fingers. Did he wanna paint again? No, probably not.

He cast a glance over at the grand oak piano seeing its polished sheen twinkling like a motioning finger to him. Piano. He sat at the stool touching the soft ivory keys listening to the sound that sang out to him traveling through the quiet house like a familiar comfort. With a weak smile he ran his fingers over the polished spruce before he dropped them back to the keys, poking each one experimentally. Wiggling to a straighter position he placed his feet on the petals beginning to play out the melody he forever tried to express in words.

It wasn’t until he heard the haunting sounds he produced he hummed along the words following quietly afterwards. He closed his eyes as disconsolate tunes swirled around him, he parted his lips, his own voice shocked him.

_“In the pouring rain_

_Where did you go?_

_And why did you stay?_

_I wouldn’t lie_

_I wouldn’t say_

_Ask me too much_

_Ask me to stay…_

_In the ambulance_

_In the ambulance…”_

His hands abruptly slammed down on the keys creating a disarrange of noises like the howls of demonic children. One arm laying on the ivory he slammed his head down on the length of his arm proceeding to sob once again. My poor brother, he thought, why didn’t I go…  Somewhere in the mix of tears, dejection, the exhaustion won over leading him to sleep with the piano beneath his grasp and the rain dripping down outside.

Sometime in the early morning Gerard Way’s phone cried out for attention still abandoned in the console of his car. He had no clue Allen was planning to stop by because he was still resting rather restlessly, but tired nonetheless. The front door of his apartment jiggled as the tall sensible man presented himself in the doorway dressed in a crisp white suit. His salt and peppered hair was slicked back as his sharp eyes appraised the room with a subtle hint of distaste.

He spotted his client by the large window where his grand piano was effortlessly perched, if he had it his way he’d rid of it. It was such a gaudy piece compared to the brightness of his furniture and walls. With a sneer, he walked over with his hands behind his back lightly nudging the sleeping man with a gentle tap of his toes. Gerard startled awake instantly with an audible cry, whipping around to face him with puffy eyes.

“Up all night I see? You know, all that time you’ve been up you never called me.” Drawled Allen, placing himself on the couch by Gerard. He appraised his scruffy wear and wrinkled shirt, then to his heavily bagged eyes sighing to himself. “I called you…” His voice trailed off as he pulled his phone from the inside of his coat pocket opening his mouth- “I don’t know where my phone is.” Came Gerard’s quiet husky voice in reply.

He didn’t wanna see this man this early, especially after a long night and giving him the satisfaction of seeing him completely broken. “I was up all night with my brother…” Chuckling dryly, he ruffled his already messy hair concluding, “I need to shower. I know I don’t look well.” “My dear!” Allen cried, clapping a hand on his shoulder causing Gerard to flinch. “You always look refreshed. How is that uh… Sibling of yours?” He asked though his voice was flat.

He leaned forward observing the younger man, looking him over once, then twice as he took in his rundown frame with a smirk. He loved it, seeing him so open and unbearably innocent appearing broken. Gerard spotted the usual ploy immediately getting up to move from him. “Fine. Better. I don’t know. Coffee?” He heard the seat of his coach crinkle as the other man rose following behind him - too close.

“Coffee is nice. With cream.” He added touching Gerard’s hips exposed beneath his shirt. He tensed, but went on as if he didn’t notice. That’s when his eyes slid to the door and he looked at him, “How’d you get in?” He demanded. “You left the door unlocked.” Came his soft reply, swiping a loose piece of hair back behind his ear. His cheeks burned with embarrassment trying to push his hands away only to feel Allen’s grip tightened to a cramping pain. He clinched his teeth reaching over to grab the tin of coffee when he felt hips on his ass.

_Oh God, not right now…_ Thought Gerard placing his hands on the edge of the counter. Perfect position. “I’m glad you did. I was hoping to speak to you…” His soft palms slid up beneath the soft cotton of Gerard’s shirt, feeling up the soft pale skin like a piece of art. His thumbs skimmed over his erect soft pink nipples electing the dark haired one to hiss in reply. It was a soft little breath between his teeth that Allen knew he had him. “Well, you’re here.” Gerard’s cold reply came shoving his hands off.

His hips were grabbed yanked back again only this time spinning him around with a force that meant no more resisting. Gerard’s saucer like eyes looked up into the dark ones he begged not to see again, over and over. The deep eyes smirked at him, dominating any chance Gerard had as his clothes were suddenly shredded. “Please, not again…” Gerard whimpered. “I’m not yours.” “Well,” Chuckled Allen as he unbuttoned his pants springing out his erect cock. “Your paycheck says otherwise.” Feeling the soft head brushing against his bare cheeks Gerard released a horrified cry wrenching his way this way and that. Yanking his arms behind his back, Gerard was pinned down on all fours to the floor his face buried in his carpet. He felt the warmth, pulsating muscle at his cheeks and he felt himself tense. “Please don’t, give me time! I’ll do whatever you want!”

Allen just grinned and shoved in without warning, his motions hammering deep into the ring of muscles that tore over his length. “No, no, no!” Gerard cried out letting tears soak his cheeks each breath escaping like a stab of a knife. He couldn’t run, he couldn’t escape. “So pretty.” Allen upbraided with labored breath. “Such a tight little whore.”

The rape went on for an hour and a half where Gerard felt everything draining from him. His will to fight left, and he lay limp not bothering to use his torn up voice anymore than he had. He felt Allen’s warmth spill into him for a fourth time, in counting. He laid on his back his eyes shut thinking over and over of the pretty little prairie, Frank at his side running his fingers through his hair spreading a different kind of warmth through him, affection. Pure affection. He breathed out his name as Allen pulled out just shaking his head. “Oh, the producer guy you were spotted with yesterday?” He asked as he stood leaving the nude man to stare up at him as he fixed himself up.

“H-how do you know?” He retorted his eyes narrowed angrily at him as he quickly scrambled up, stuffing his clothes in his arms in full loads. He wanted so bad to pretend he didn’t feel this happening, that he was fully exposed to him. Allen knew everything, he should’ve learned that by now. He didn’t wanna be under this power anymore. “You were spotted by paparazzi. You have no ill brother.” He glared. The manager walked himself into the hallways grabbing out a simple little outfit that came out simple, but still flashy.

“I do!” Cried Gerard running after him. He kept himself covered by his soiled pair of boxers and a Tshirt, flinching with each step he took due to the pain radiating in his abdomen and torn muscles of his anus. “I went - he knows him, he was there a-and we left for-”

_Smack!_

Gerard’s head whipped from the sheer force of the blow grabbing his pained cheek knowing damn well that there was gonna be a mark there. Oh well, makeup. He turned himself to look at him with tear filled eyes already feeling the burning of the bruise happening over his stark white cheek. He was met with a dark glare as a pair of tight leather pants, a wife beater shirt, and matching jacket was thrown at him. “I don’t give a fuck. Get dressed, we’re getting you a makeover today. Bitch.”

He walked out without another word.

By the end of the day Gerard was left with a broken face as well as broken insides. He had an undercuts on both sides of his head with deep cherry hair that framed his angled face all over. He was so, so happy to finally get to sit when he went to the meeting the film company was having. He forgot completely about Frank until they pulled up in Allen’s vehicle and he turned to him. “Frank is here, and no matter what you will not associate with him.” He wanted to say, “He won’t wanna talk to me anyways.” Instead, he just gave a nod of his head, his face forward.

He pulled open the door to the movie building fighting the urge to limp in, though he did with little steps. He spotted Frank by the clear opening between people, and his gaze went right to him. His mouth was in a tight line as he glared over at him at first until his eyes just widened, his mouth parting as if he was gonna say something. Gerard looked stunning. Fucking… sexy with a sinful red color on him. It brought out the green in his sharp eyes. Something told him that to have that sudden too good appearance was the point. It matched his asshole personality, that’s for sure.

Gerard lowered his face the waves falling over his face when he caught wind of a dark type of mark on his cheek. Shouldering past people, he got a closer look to find deep purple marks covering the whole right side of his face. His mouth opened wide then, in shock. Who did that to him? Did he do it to himself? No, he couldn’t have. Frank could tell there was something very, very off with Gerard. He stood too straight and scrunched his eyes in pain with each step. He watched his foot step forward, until he spotted the intimidating figure of Allen behind him immediately diverting attention.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Gerard walk to talk to a few people. Why did it matter that Gerard was hurt? He was an asshole who deserved it, maybe he fucked with the wrong person. Feeling his eyes, he looked up in his direction. There was nothing but the glassy eyed stare he knew too well, tears were blanketed with dark emotions. He offered a sympathetic glance when Allen came right up behind him, touching his hip affectionately. He didn’t miss the too-noticable flinch that followed. “Gerard!” Frank cried to get his attention.

He came closer, only to be stopped by the way Allen held up a hand with a dark warning to his face.

Gerard quickly looked away limping off to the little meeting room. He didn’t see the look Allen shot Frank as he moved away behind him. Frank didn’t miss the sudden black mark on Gerard’s formed cheek or the way he was limping. There was something off about him, minus the sudden change in him. Mostly, he wanted to know why Gerard’s face was swollen on one side and why he could see the sadness there decorating it more than the fucking bruise.

He didn’t have time to ask, because his manager had all eyes on him, like daggers getting shot through his face. He drifted behind putting a hand on Frank’s chest, stopping him in his tracks. He looked up at him with a frown brushing his red fringe from his face to muster up to this prick. “You stay away from my client understand?” He demanded in a low, dangerous tone. “I will tell everyone you’re the one who fucked up that pretty face of his. I know you didn’t do it, but since you’re the new guy, no one will believe it wasn’t you. Got it?” “Gerard would attest to that.” Frank replied, narrowing his wide eyes into slits.

“He doesn’t like me.”

“Then he’s got some sense. He doesn’t like you either.” Allen replied cooly removing his hand from his chest.

With an agitated groan he shoved by him stomping into his seat. He glared down at his hands as soon as his back met leather and plopped down gritting his teeth together. Who the fuck is Gerard to say he doesn’t like someone? He barely knows the guy! And who the fuck is his manager to tell him what to do? “Gerard! So glad you could meet us! I am Derek!” Exclaimed a short stout man entering the room. His head a horrible comb over and a matching checkered suit outfit that literally radiated “asshole”.

He followed him with his eyes until he came eyes to eyes with Gerard. He couldn’t read his, but goddamn if he didn’t get a hard on staring at the guy. Derek smiled at him taking Gerard’s hand with a firm shake adding, “I love the new look.” Gerard gave a weak smile in return saying softly, “Thank you. Pleasure is mine.” When he looked back at Frank he wanted to dig a hole and hide. He sneered as if he was guilty of murder.

**  
**He lowered his eyes, and willed the swelling in his chest to go away. He tried, in vain, not to break in the midst of everyone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In one where Gerard gets high and Frank rescues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's now smut involved!

Parties hadn’t been Gerard’s thing for a while now, years practically. Sure, he didn’t mind those fancy little get together where people wore shit made out of gold on their heads and others who pissed gold from their urethras, but an actual underground party? He hadn’t been to one of those since he first started his career, but did he mind it? Not right now. His Trans Am rolled into the poorly lit parking lot before a large, crippled brick red building standing tall like a gigantic mass in the evening dusk. The windows, surprisingly, looked as if they had been completely reinstated with new flexiglass as he watched dancing neon lights reflect off of them, and watched how the material wiggled and wobbled with each drop of the bass he could hear outside.

The place was located in the middle part of downtown where lots and buildings of former businesses laid forgotten about with signs of For Sale or Rent at the front of the property. It was basically outside the skirts of where the police could drive by and find this rave and equally shut it down. To Gerard’s knowledge, there wasn’t anyone around this place to even call it out. Upon arriving, he hadn’t seen a single cop vehicle around. Not even undercover ones. That comforted, and made him even more apprehensive than before he arrived. He wouldn’t get arrested, but he could quite possibly be bludgeoned and never found.

He stuck his gear in park checking himself over in the mirror fixing his straightened red hair out of his face and parting it to cover up the remainder of the bruise that trickled up near his hairline. Taking in a slow, deep breath through his nose he closed his eyes and released it at the same pace trying to quiet his nerves. He really wasn’t into this kind of thing, but he was invited by one of the newest producers of the Band Bros company, and he couldn’t refuse.

Mostly for the fact he heard about Frank being there as well. He wanted to talk to him face to face since he wouldn’t answer his texts, calls, or even try to listen when he stopped him at the hospital.

This was his final chance at forgiveness.

As if to compensate at all, he dressed in entirely more revealing clothing than he had ever thought of wearing before. His legs were sheathed in dark reflective leather that clung to his long, feminine legs and girly hips. He wore a matching jacket over one of his plain black tanktops, that like his britches hugged his toned body. His hair had been straightened for the occasion just to clean up himself from the past few agonizing days.

Gerard licked along his lips once more before he braced for the handle of his car pulling it open, stepping out, and making his way inside after securing everything inside the vehicle. He kept his wallet in his back pocket once he reached the sliding titanium door with rusted bolts along the hinges of it. Just a few inches above his head there was a small rectangular hole in the door. Gnawing on his lower lip anxiously Gerard waited for something. A sign of life, possibly?

He bit the inside of his cheek before wrapping his knuckles in what seemed to him a barely audible rap. The rectangle suddenly made a grating sound as a pair of eyes peered down on him, judging him. The eyebrows were very ungroomed and bushy with dark blue specs that eyed him over like trash. It made him very uncomfortable. “Who are you?” The voice behind the eyes demanded in a booming thick Russian accent. From here, he could hear the pounding of the music somewhere inside. Glancing around at all the other broke down buildings in this part of downtown, he questioned why he showed up in the first place.

“I-I’m Gerard Way,” He stuttered facing the eyes again trying not to shake himself and stand taller. “I was invited.” Tilting his chin up he shook his hair out of his face sliding his hands, well, the tip of his fingers that is, into the back pockets of his pants where his plump butt. The man appraised him once more from as little as he could before he grunted in response before casing the slit. A few seconds later, the door rolled open revealing something even in his wildest dreams, he couldn’t ever even come close to imagine.

The walls were cast over with a type of smooth concrete instead of the bright bricks that adorned the outside of the building. The walls were embellished in all types of colorful graffiti, pictures, and a few other unnatural beings that radiated the whole building along with the neon lights. Gargantuan Bose speakers filled every corner of the fifteen foot high building spilling out the music the DJ near the rump of the building was creating. Neon luster swirled about highlighting every persons there.

A grand smile flashed onto Gerard’s face as he ran in to get a better look around. To his left was an elegant nightclub bar with futuristic gleaming white seats in shapes of a molded crescent moon that followed the whole length of the matching countertop. A large mirror stood behind all the thousands of different cocktails and alcoholic beverages. The bar manager himself smiled at him from beneath a sharpened handlebar mustache. He stood a good six feet with mostly altitudinous legs hidden behind the formal dress pants and button down collared uniform. His dark brown hair was smoothed back in gel representing him as one of the old tavern bartenders back in the saloon days.  He waved him over with excited hands as if he knew him for forever.

Gerard jogged over taking a sedentary position placing his elbow on the counter, resting his chin in his open palm. “My name is Jeff, how can I serve you today?” The bar manager said flashing an all white toothed grin. It reached up to his eyes where they crinkled at the corners of his stark blue eyes. “Cosmo.” Gerard replied to him swiveling his seat to take a look at the dancing people beneath the wavering green, blues, yellows, and reds. Gerard could hardly deny that this event was something that he felt he had been missing on for the past few years of his life.

“What brings you here to this fine establishment?” Gerard turned to gaze at the man his head tilted to the side, curious. “I was invited by a guy I knew that I work with.” He replied cooly facing the man wholly once more. His brushed the loose strands of hair back out of his face to get a better appearance of Jeff. “How long has this been open?” Gerard questioned softly.

Jeff sucked on the inside of his cheek his eyes narrowing in thought as his fingers drummed against the ceramic. He popped his lips before giving a swift answer of, “Three years. The man who runs it makes big money. He’s a friend of mine, bought this place with his own college fund.” He chuckled softly reaching behind him to grab a glass as a woman with a short skirt, ripped up top, and bright green dreads popped up beside Gerard. She wavered where she stood her body drifting to one way, then the other way barely able to stand upright. “Marissa,” The bar manager scolded with a teasing grin. “This is your last one. Do you have a driver to take you home?” Marissa just threw her head back and laughed. “Of course! I’m on that Tab soda!”

Raising an eyebrow, Gerard just shook his head. Ecstasy. The girl faced him for the first time since she suddenly showed up throwing a thin arm around his neck curling it to tug him close. “Here, take some of these rollies.” She whispered with a giddy giggle. She grabbed his palm off the table, slipping three large pills into it. She closed his fingers over it biting her dark purple lips before she danced off giving him a thumbs up.

Shaking his head mostly in disbelief, he slid them into his pockets for safe keeping. A little high wouldn’t be too bad, he thought. “That’s Marissa. The boss man’s younger sister.” Jeff just sighed sadly as he wiped out a glass with a cloth. “She’s quite the party animal on the weekends. You’d never guess that she’s going to college for a bachelor’s degree.” Shrugging, Gerard grabbed his little martini glass sipping it through the little straw he was given. “Everybody’s got three different lives.” He replied with a crooked smile. “Public life, personal life, and a secret life.”

“Do you have one?” Jeff suddenly asked with a smirk. His eyes glinted mischievously, but Gerard suddenly stiffened clearing his throat as if to answer. His mouth popped open only to for his sentence to be abruptly ended by Jeff laughing. “I’m just Joshing you. Hey. Here’s my number.” He quickly scribbled something down on a piece of napkin folding it up and handed it to him. “In case you ever need any other services or just wanna hang. I’m free on Fridays, any other day I’m working or trying to sleep.” Gerard nodded with a soft smile, slinging his long legs over the edge of his stool and walking into the crowd.

Hips were rotating, spinning, some even popping as the techno music blared out. Gerard had to admit when you heard music like this, so raw and tantalizing it was impossible not to feel it through you. He almost forgot what it was like to live and breathe the music for this time being. He lifted his arms up into the air after emptying his drink to a complete T tilting it back down to catch any little drop that may have been left behind. his hips gyrated revolving in circles almost effortlessly. Bodies were pressed against bodies with nothing but sweat and the passion that music pushed into him.

He didn’t know who was you when he got into quivering against another man or woman, but it was when the bodies were moving in tune to the beat of the rhythms and hands were frisking you all over - it was impossible for Gerard not to crave more than that. He capered around in any open space he could find to frolic with someone else. “Hey, you wanna dance?” A guy with spiked up hair asked placing his hands on Gerard’s bouncing hips. Smirking up at him, he grabbed the back of the guy’s neck nodding excitedly making drips of sweat fall down his face.

He was having the time of his life, riding out every high. He gasped in shock as he remembered the little tablets still waiting for him to swallow. He fished his hands in his pockets pulling out two tabs of X popping them in his mouth, soon enough, he was on cloud nine. Everything was so hypersensitive, inviting him into a new realm of pleasure. The guy behind him slid his clammy palms down Gerard’s middle dipping under his shirt sparking up goosebumps on his skin. He could feel how close they were, his ass on his bulge and the breaths he pants onto his neck.

Tilting his head, he wrapped an arm around the back of his neck peering up at him with lidded eyes and a detailed smirk that he quickly seemed to grasp onto. He knotted his fingers into the spikes pulling him down for a hard, deep kiss with nothing but breathless moans, tongue, and a whole lot of touching. He pulled away turning to grab his hands pulling him to the nearest bathroom possible. “You don’t even know my name,” panted spikes. Gerard smiled ever so sweetly at him purring in a seductive tone, “My name’s Gerard.” “Josh.” Came the other’s reply. “Well, Josh.” Gerard giggled grabbing onto his burly arms. “I want you to fucking touch me.”

Gerard’s lips collided with Josh’s in a fit of pure drugged passion. He hadn’t felt this alive in so long, feeling pleasure without regret, no guilt, no anger. Just flying. Their lips parted with a smack josh only revealing more sloppy kisses down Gerard’s neck. He tilted his head back with a soft moan gripping onto his shoulders as he whispered, “More.” He flung them into the door of the bathroom closing it shut behind him. There wasn’t a lock, so he had to use his body to brace himself against it.

Somehow in the midst of the kisses, sucking, hickies, and undressing, Gerard’s was pinned to the wall with his legs around the spiky haired man’s waist in a tight vice. His hand was around Gerard’s stiff cock milking it for all it was worth. He tossed his head back and squirmed releasing loud cries of pleasure. “F-fuck, fuck!” He whimpered biting on his bottom lip to keep from being too loud. He didn’t care if someone else could hear him outside, but with the music, he highly doubted anyone cared.

“You’re fuckin’ beautiful.” Spikes groaned in reply traveling kisses down his bare chest slicking his tongue along it. “You only say that because you might be getting some right now.” Gerard breathed raking his fingers through his hair. Precum beaded on his swollen cock head dripping down to the palm around him only making it that much easier to pump him. Fuck Allen, fuck Frank, and most of all fuck life. It was his, if he wanted to live it this way, let him live it. “I have a condom in my wallet,” Gerard said feeling the hand retracted from his cock. “I-It’s in my back pocket of my pants.”

He tilted his head in the direction of where the leather lay disposed only a few feet away. “We don’t need one,” Josh replied stiffly working two fingers into Gerard’s puckered entrance. He gasped sharply in reply to the action his fingernails digging into the flesh of his shoulder shaking his head back and forth stubbornly. “O-oh God.” Gerard was overcome with pleasure completely, every little movement and curl of his fingers nothing but enticing. They moved faster, stretching him open until, still with his fingers inside him, he felt the pulsing head of a very thick monster at his gates. “Put it in me.” Gerard said with lusted eyes and a dirty smirk. Josh grinned in reply, his own dark eyes boring into Gerard’s before he slid into him. Gerard had to bite back a cry of relief feeling something inside of him. “Goddamn, you ever been fucked?” He grunted out biting along Gerard’s collarbones. “Would you believe me if I said no?” Gerard replied. “Now fuck me like you mean it, and don’t stop until I’m begging.”

Gerard never felt something like this, waves and waves of pleasure building up inside of him and spilling out in cries of just what the drug was made for - ecstasy. He watched as Josh turned them around holding Gerard up with his legs draped over his strong arms, back pressed against his chest in front of a mirror watching himself get fucked with this massive cock. His mouth was open wide with each breath as he desperately tried to catch it, his cheeks a deep rosy. Sweet dripped from his hair coating their two bodies with a slik sheen of it. His walls tightened with each movement, then it would constrict everytime that fat head got to hitting those perfect bundle of nerves.

He was moving ninety to nothing, deeper, faster, _harder_. Any sounds he could make dispersed into little breaths his arms tight around Josh as he replied back with his own grunts. “I’m gonna cum.” He growled, nipping Gerard’s earlobe. “Oh fuck.” He breathed when Gerard felt a warmth spread through his lower parts.He watched the juices drip out from around his cock, and from between Gerard’s walls. He just grinned turning to kiss his parted lips. “Thank you.” Lifting Gerard off his cock slowly, he shuddered feeling everything slide out of him at once creating a mess on the ground beneath them. Gerard grinned to himself feeling everything but unhappy. He was in fucking heaven. "Will I get to see you again?" Josh asked as he slide back up into his pants. 

Gerard smiled at him, grabbing his phone from his pockets. "Put in your number, I'll call you sometime. That was fucking amazing."

He managed to wobble back out of the bathrooms once Josh simply kissed his cheek and left, it was a one time thing anyhow. Gerard strided confidently back into the crowd of people when he felt a hand on his shoulder stopping him in his tracks. He turned to peer into the large russet eyes he missed so much, even though he might’ve not known it. Frank stared at him with his jaw squared up tight the accusation burning in his eyes. “Having fun?” He asked dropping his hand from the taller man’s. Gerard just cupped his cheek with a grin reply, “Hell yes. Come dance with me.” He gripped his hands starting to pull him in when Frank slapped his hands away.

Gerard’s eyes narrowed suddenly feeling a burst of anger. He sobered up just a little then. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Frank demanded. “Who was that guy you were with?” He took in Gerard’s wrinkled clothing and flushed face, he knew all too well what they’d been up to. He watched himself as Gerard danced from person to person until he found the big bear like dude and completely seduced him. Wait.

Frank’s eyes narrowed in suspicion as he stared into Gerard’s dilated green eyes. “You’re high. What have you been doing Gerard?” He lowered his voice to a deep, gravely intimidating tone. Gerard looked Frank over taking in his tight jeans and misfits Tshirt. He looked like fresh porn himself, and even though he'd just had sex he’d do it again with Frank. “I’m having fun, Frank.” he replied with a giggle. “You should try it.” His hips began moving again his legs leading him back. Frank rolled his eyes with an agitated sigh, grabbing his hand in a tight grip pulling him close, wrapping an arm around his waist to keep him close as he began leading him out of the building.

Jeff watched quizzically as Gerard just waved with this dumb smile on his face, draping an arm around Frank’s neck leaning down to say to him, “My car is here you know. I gotta drive.” Frank sneered crinkling his nose in disgust. “You’re not driving and that’s that.” His tone had one of finality that Gerard finally grasped and shut up. Frank fished around in Gerard’s pockets distributing the keys and unlocking the car himself. He safely set Gerard inside, buckling him up like a child.

Sad to say, this is a grown ass man he was taking care of. A giant, sexy, beautiful, idiotic manchild. “I can drive.” He slurred once Frank got into the driver’s side starting the car. “Really.” He ignored him, grabbing out his phone from his pocket dialing his boyfriend’s number. Gerard turned his head limply to appraise him feeling something like jealousy stir up every time Frank said, “Babe.” Frank was supposed to be his completely. “No, I’m taking my friend home. I think I need to stay with him.” Silence.

“No, he’s really fucked up and I don’t trust him not to do anything dumb. Now if you’d trust me…” His voice trailed off as a man’s voice screamed back out at him. It was a good ten minutes of arguing before Frank finally hung up breathing out, “I hope you got a place for me to sleep. Where do you live?” Blinking a few times in confusion, Gerard thought and thought before he said. “Knotts, 6708. Giant apartment. Can’t miss it.” He closed his eyes feeling exhaustion overcome him. Frank spared glances, occasionally shaking him back awake until Gerard whined like a little child to get him to stop so he could sleep off this useful drug.

 **  
** Frank settled for a keeping a hand on Gerard’s just to keep him from smacking himself, Frank, or making a break out of the car while he drove. He gingerly slipped his hand through Gerard’s larger one feeling his racing pulse through the veins in his hand and lifted it, observing the strong knuckles peeking out as he did so. He had the fingers of an expert artist, he thought. His eyes went back to the road keeping his grasp gentle. Though he couldn't see, Gerard was looking at him with rose on his cheeks from the simple, affectionate motion.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler and I promise there won't be a lot of drama like this in the next few chapters, so you're safe. I'm also extremely busy I've got eight classes I'm taking in school and two full semester courses online. I'm gonna be graduating next year so I'm trying to be sure I have half days and what not. Summer vacation is coming up soon, so I'm hoping to be able to update a lot more along then too. So, yep, here's the new chapter.

It was times like these Frank wished he could get insight on what the fuck made Gerard act so impulsively and make him miss a big dinner date with Jake. For Granted, they’d been dating for only a week or so, he felt pretty strongly for him. Gerard lay asleep in his bed with him right at his side ready to jump and run him to the nearest ER if he had to. You’d think he would realize his brother was near death for the same reason. That could be quite a distinct possibility of why he’s done it. Gerard turned onto his side facing Frank giving him a better view of his peaceful angelic face, eyelashes resting on top of those sharp round cheekbones of his. There was no doubt Gerard was absolutely stunning in person, and even more a character in real life than he played in those God awful porn movies, not that he wasn’t at all a bad sight. Just that he knew the people behind it - Allen specifically.

He wasn’t dumb, he heard all about him during a briefing when he first signed onto this company. He was infamous for many deaths at his hands just from all the pressure he put on peoples’ shoulders, Liz Vicious for example. Oh no, she didn’t die. Her boyfriend’s body was found in a dumpster, murdered. They did an investigation on any subject they saw fit for a motive. Allen, Liz’s manager, was first on the list. He hated her man because she wouldn’t do anything, any video, without his consent first. Of course, no one convicted him and they somehow ruled it out as a suicide.

Others saw it so much differently.

Which further drove Frank to question, had he been the one who left marks on Gerard’s gorgeous face? With the makeup now remnants on his pillow he could see the yellowing handmark much better now. The tips of where the fingers were still he’d a stark purple/blue color, while the rest yellowed out or just contrasted an ugly green color. It was a risk for Frank to be here right now knowing that any tabloid could possibly spot him and draw unneeded attention. Mikey needed someone to watch after his brother just so he could see him when he woke.

Frank knew there was something odd going around between Gerard and Allen, probably a couple. He lingered over him like a creep, always touching his thigh, ass, even quoting him as his partner rather than client. The idea made him wanna cringe away to the bedroom’s dark walls and pretend he never, ever thought of it. The man was three times as old as Gerard. It was just the botox that kept him looking in shape.

Hr dropped his eyelids inhaling a deep breath through his nose when he heard the ruffling of bedsheets. He quickly sighed out the exhale popping his eyes open to see Gerard facing him with the widest, most innocent looking eyes he ever imagined to see. He didn’t say anything for a while. His eyebrows furrowed in the middle the confusion written over his face, nose crinkled up. When he blinked, Frank saw the young man left behind within all these years of filming. His eyes held age so much more than his twenty eight year old self. Giving out a little sound of protest he just closed his eyes asking in a meek voice, “Why are you here? Don’t you hate me?”

The inquiry made the younger one of them stop in his tracks Frank’s eyebrow immediately cocking up, his jaw clenching in reply. “I’m doing this for Mikey’s sake.” He replied though it was a softer stern tone than one of cool iciness. Gerard seemed to understand though his head moving beneath the blanket he tugged up to his chin like a fraction of a nod. “Thank you, though. I won’t keep you sticking around.” He said sadly turning on his side. His back was to Frank so he didn’t see the regretful frown on his lips then.

He listened to make sure his breaths were deep and even before he gave a gently reply of, “You’re welcome.” He ran his fingers through his short hair before he left to go to the couch. It wouldn’t kill him to look after him through the night, right? For Mikey only.

Gerard’s phone ringing startled him from his sleep causing him to flinch from the sharp stinging in his head. He went to move feeling his lower half protesting, his stomach cramping right in his lower abdomen. He groaned in pain slapping his hand around himself before he found his phone peeling his eyes open to gaze at the head splitting brightness to answer. What the actual fuck had he done last night? “Gerard.” Allen’s hard voice rang through his earpiece of his iPhone. Fuck!

Flopping on his back Gerard smacked himself for being so dumb. He had another shoot today. “I’m not late am I?” He asked. Clearing his throat aggressively until there was a subtle burning behind it trying to make it seem he didn’t just wake up. “Three hours. _Three!_ ” He released a whimper as the man suddenly raised his voice up at him screaming down the line, “ _This is not the first fucking time! You wonder why people prefer Bass, huh? This is why! He’s not a lazy piece of shit like you!_ ”

Using his elbows he worked himself up to a sitting position flopping his phone down in his hand away from his face listening to the hum of insults audible from even arm’s length. Frank sat up turning to look from the couch at the messy haired man with a more than confused - if not pitiful - expression on his brow. Gerard stared back with a more mortified one questioning, how the fuck did he get here? “Are you listening to me?! Gerard fucking Way, I’m on my way over!”

upon hearing that threat he shrieked jumping to his feet much to his spine’s dismay calling out quickly, “No, no need for that. I’m fine - just at the hospital with my brother most of the night!” Fear dwelled deep in his stomach feeling the rush of overwhelming dread making him pace. His body was screaming at him to stop moving so much, he was getting dizzy. Frank must have caught on because he raced over gripping Gerard’s thin arms sitting him back on the bed. “Allen, Allen listen-” He was interrupted by him saying, “Fuck you. I’m around the corner.”

Fuck me! Gerard internally yelled hopping back to his feet. It was then he realized Frank was still there. “Look - I don’t know what happened last night.” He rushed. “You gotta - hide. Look, just hide, okay?” His eyebrows were raised his hands trembling completely. Gerard’s eyes were wide shivering as he looked at him with horror so deep it made him feel uneasy. “He might kill me and you both if he spots you here.” Frank frowned intensely seeing the saucers beating into him. “Who?” He demanded, rising to his feet making a rather slow shuffle to the wide sliding closet door. “Doesn’t matter!” Both men stopped to a deafening silence hearing a slamming of a car door both of them peering to the front door. Gerard whipped around slamming the closet door open shaving Frank inside with a force he didn’t think he was capable of. He whacked his back against something hard causing an audible pained hiss to escape him but still he slid the door closed just in time as the front door impacted against the wall with a reverberating sound.

“Gerard - get the fuck here.” Heavy footsteps shook the floor and Gerard’s breath hitched as he slowly walked out to meet the older man when he was gripped around the throat shoved back on the wall opposite of him. His green eyes were full of hatred so dark he wanted to turn his head away had he not been so constricted. He kicked his legs in an attempt to get away when he got a sharp punch to his face causing him to temporarily lose his sight when Allen threw him to the floor causing him to release an inhuman howl of pain.

“When I tell you not to miss anything I do for your sorry ass, that’s exactly what I mean!” He scolded like a parent placing the sole of his shoe against Gerard’s face making tears of pain come to his eyes. As if it didn’t hurt enough. “I’m sorry!” He sobbed mercilessly trying to curl up. “M-my brother! He’s been so ill, I just - I forgot!” His whole body was so weak as it is and now it seemed like the end for him was coming closer. A little dramatic, perhaps so, but holy shit he was hurting. The manager just pressed on further until Gerard’s pulse could be felt through the fabric of his shoes. He smirked leaning down to whisper in his ear. “I own you. That friend Frank of yours, is it? The one being there to see your brother? What’s his name, Mikey?”

Gerard tensed up visible whimpering between his smooshed cheeks. “What the fuck do you know about him?” Shrugging, he removed his foot kicking him in his side adding a soft, “Doesn’t matter.” as he turned walking back to Gerard’s bedroom. He could do nothing but lay there and watch feeling helpless. He thought of Frank and what would happen to him if Allen saw him. He glanced from one side to the other, looking up and down, scanning over everything. “Seems like you had quite a good sleep.” He noted sardonically adding in a chuckle, “Fucking ridiculous. I make your life - I make people want you, and I get you paid for showing everybody your pretty body. This is how you repay me. Not to mention, no one at the hospital saw you yesterday."

Gerard found the strength to push himself up feeling the warm pool of blood smeared over his face and now his floors drip over his dark shirt. Blood covered his front and his thin soft lips coloring it like a dark matte lipstick would have coloring his pale cheeks with something so sinful. His manager stepped in front of him feeling along his hair. "Where were you last night?" Gerard shrugged saying honestly, "I don't know. I think I  got drunk." He lowered his head as Allen ghosted his fingers over his bruised cheek saying in a sickening lovely tone, “You look so much better this way. You’re so beautiful when you’re broken.” He tilted his head to him swiping a thumb along his lips wiping the bodily liquid away. Gerard’s eyes narrowed as he clenched his jaw and lips up so he wouldn’t feel like he returned the kiss when Allen’s lips pecked his. Angered, he pushed his cheeks together painfully until he had no choice but to release and invite the sick fuckers tongue into him.

He tasted of bitter sex and coffee, the good mocha kind that he made taste like bodily urine in his mouth. He made a muffled sound when he pulled away. “I rescheduled for two weeks from now. Give you time to fix that pretty nose of yours.” Leaning down he whispered in his ear, "I've got a tracking device on your phone. On or off, I can find you anywhere. Don;t lie to me again. I'll be back later to fuck that sweet ass of yours." He slapped his cheek before he looked back at Gerard’s closet, “You can come out, Frank.” And left. He stared after him with an astonished gaze before Frank finally popped his head out looking at Gerard sympathetically.

Gerard kept absolutely quiet as Frank fixed him up in his bathroom, keeping ice to his face and cleaning him. “I can do it myself.” He snapped. He glared at Frank like he was the one who’s done this to him and to be honest it stung him a little. “I’m trying to help you.” Was all Frank said sliding a wet cloth along his swollen nose with an irritated frown for the asshole who did this. He kept asking, over and over and over, how long this has been going on, but as usual, Gerard kept holed up. He hadn’t said anything.

“You wanna tell me what happened last night and why you’re here?” Gerard asked as he got up from the toilet seat grabbing the Aleve from behind the mirror. Frank monitored him closely spotting how tense he was and how his feminine legs quaked in pain of all the activities of stress and last night. He watched Gerard’s eyes flicker over his face for just a quick few moments before they dropped to the porcelain sink as he poured him a cup of water. “Well, um. You got high. Not sure on what, that’s why I stayed all night. I was worried you’d taken something you could’ve - y’know, yeah.” He cleared his throat rubbing the back of his neck with the palm of his hand his lips going sideways in an awkward remaining discomfort.

“Great. Well, you should’ve left when you saw I woke.” He turned walking past Frank like what he did for him wasn’t nothing less of evil. “Hey, asshole!” Frank cried following him, gripping his shoulder which made the older man flinch shrugging it away from him. “I did you a favor!” “What the fuck do you want?! money?” He whirled overtowering the younger man with a growl so hostile Frank felt threatened for a few moments.  “I wanna know you’re safe. I may not like you, but no one deserves to be abused like that!”

Gerard snorted turning away from him gripping the back of his shirt tugging it up over his head. Frank’s eyes dropped down his muscular back feeling something in his pants build watching how he flexed each time he shuffled through his shirts. Gerard could feel his eyes on him and wanted to shy away from it all. He dawned on a faded tee of some sort turning to look at him. “Thank you for helping, please leave now. I’m fine.” Gritting his teeth, Frank forcefully shoved his hands down into the pocket of his pants nodding curtly.

He walked to the front door turning to look over his shoulder at Gerard who was perched on the end of his bed hiding under the curtain of his hair. He wanted to pretend he didn’t like the man, but seeing him like that was like watching a newborn puppy being thrown into a puddle of mud then kicked the side of the curb. Gerard looked up when Frank entered and much to his surprise, Frank reached his arms around him and hugged him. It was a more polite, awkward hug than anything else but it was an embrace that he welcomed thankfully. They didn’t talk when Gerard wound his arms around him giving him a tight squeeze in return which made the younger man relax. “You’re not alone, Gerard Way. People out there care for you. Why don’t you stop being such an asshole and let someone in?” Gerard replied with a shrug and spoke in a tight voice, “It’s been so much easier this way.” It was then he realized he was sobbing on his shoulder and he just held him through the tremor of sobs stroking his fingers through his hair.

He didn’t hear his phone ringing in the living room, Jake flashed his screen for a few seconds with a curt message of, “You were with Gerard Way? All night? Fine. Don’t think of coming home tonight your stuff isn’t here.” Just down the street from the apartment, he was watching for Frank Iero to leave. Gerard Way is his, and Frank Iero is just a producer. He has power over him, so much that he could con anyone into believing the new guy just keeps fucking up. A few hours later Frank made his way out the door yelling down the phone to someone. Allen grinned. "Babe, I  _told_ you he was sick-" Growling in anger he tossed his little phone against the wall shattering it into pieces. 

Just then, Jake's number popped up on his phone and he answered, eyes stuck on the raving midget outside the building. "Baby cakes, I'm so sorry. Hey, hey don't cry. I'll come over and fix everything."

Upon the evening of keeping Gerard unsure and pacing for his arrival, the neighbor by Jake could hear him crying out for more as Allen pounded into him and marked over his body. Bodies covered in sweat, hands grabbing at everything and anything as he begged and begged. Gerard Way is a nobody at the end of the day. Jake Bass is the newest thing and such a better sport than he ever was. He had a plan to unravel soon, and he would show him how worthless he is to nearly everyone out there. Stars died everyday, and his time in fame was heavily weighed down beneath all the new young faces. They wouldn't notice if he went missing at all.

****  



	14. Chapter 14

It was then alone within the confinements of his room, Gerard himself knew all that he was. Or maybe a shell of what he wasn’t, exactly. A living person stuck inside a rotting shell of steel left underwater for years, wearing away at the beautiful silver luster. That was him now. Shatteringly broken on the inside while being nearly obliterated on the outside. Bruises littered his eggshell skin, covering it with the perfect alabaster airbrush finishing foundation he’d found. His eyes, once so lively, drooped with heavy blue bags that even NARS couldn’t cover. He’d managed to get to the hospital everyday despite his heavy schedule, Mikey never once twitching, never once batting his heavily lashed eyes. 

Fingers tapping relentlessly against his windowsill where he sat overlooking the dreary rainy city beneath his apartment. The haunting whispers his mind played in his ears like a ghost blowing through the breeze the AC wisped. He was nothing more than nothing, if he was anything, just a bump in traffic, an overturned car stopping every other vehicle to get where they need to go - like where people are destined to be before they meet him. He wasn’t meant to befriend anyone, anything. They’d drop him quick abandoning him once more. That made him think, how long would it be before Frank left?

Gerard heaved out a heavy sigh as he made it to his feet walking into the kitchen to finish off the freshly brewed coffee, still warm enough to emit steam. His little teeth drawled in his lower lip skimming off the already blistering skin, a sign of his anxiety. It was a horrible habit to break almost as much as his drinking. A jeweled flask twinkled against the bright kitchen lights signalling its arrival. He emptied the rest of the fireball into his coffee giving it another stir before he sipped it welcoming the cinnamon burn of his throat just a simple reminder he was still indeed alive, and his only friend would be the liquor until he downed the two pills concealed in his mirror.

He’s thought of his suicide many times, planned it out even. That was when he was younger, but for the past few weeks, he knew when he was going to do it. It was gonna be in a few weeks, four or five. Hell, he might even surprise himself. the familiar jab of pain that used to inflict upon him no longer came. It felt like a hug now, the comforting thought that he’d escape the hate and bitter emotions he fled from for so long. He’d be asleep forever, he wouldn’t hurt thanks to the cyanide pill he ushered from his uh… 

Let’s just say, when you’re in hollywood, a doctor would do anything without question with an essential tip.

Finishing off the coffee swiping his tongue along the rim to taste the caramel and cinnamon flavoring his tongue tingling before the numbness temporarily swallowed it. Running his fingers through his dark red hair he moved again to sit on his couch flipping the TV on. He didn’t know why he continued watching the news when it was nothing but depressing murders, unsolved crimes, and limited amounts of good doings. That was just another reason on his list of suicidal thoughts. The world would become a much better place with one more harmful thing dying off.

If only it could happen to Trump instead too. If he ever became president, someone would pull a JFK. If someone else in the White House didn’t do it first while he slept. 

Gerard snorted, thin lips twitching into a devious smirk as he shook his head at himself. Very thankful for the fact no one could read his mind now.

Raking his fingernails along the couch feeling the fleecy material against his rough fingertips, he became obsessed with every little thing he owned and didn’t own now. His days were numbered, and he had to make the best of it. He bought it when he first moved in those long years ago. He left college with an art degree whoring himself out for some company who really didn’t care for him, but hey. He made it past where many didn’t. Some of his classmates were either homeless, a teacher for some shitty school, or just dead. Overdose, liver failure, the typical tragic life story of an artist. Some of them may have even did what Gerard was going to do.

“Fucking figures.” He muttered flopping back to stare at the ceiling. His hair formed a lengthy halo around him, he meant to get it trimmed last time he got his roots retouched, but that never happened. He loved the way it felt when his hair brushed against his shoulders, but missed the way it rounded over his jaws making it look sharper than the contour palette did. He ran his fingertips along the faded black tank top wiggling his toes in his leather boots, stretching his leg this way and that in his tight faux leather jeggings. They were pretty comfortable, it made his legs much more… Feminine. Thin.

Dare he say close to perfection.

Except, perfection didn’t exist. It was a state of mind. 

No one can, nor will ever reach perfection. 

Not even him. 

His eyes fluttered close swallowing the self pity rising up in him, his thoughts going to Mikey, Frank, Frank. The man with the most beautiful and sympathetic mindset, outgoing personality. He was beautiful in all aspects. His smile brightened up the room striking something inside of him that hadn’t been touched for years. He wanted to let Frank inside of himself, legs spread, mind open. It was more than sexual arousal it was the mind blowing way Frank just… Was. Him. He was too pur for such an ugly world.

Too pure to be with someone like him, dirty, used, pathetic. 

Gerard knew for many he was nothing more than just a toy to many, someone with a pretty face, pretty ass, a tight rectum. No one cared what he thought.

But Frank had.

Frank does.

Gerard tried for many days, many nights to even wipe that sort of thought process from forming, he didn’t want to get his own hopes up, but not feeling the acceptance and continuous joy for so long overwhelmed him greatly. Frank wanted to listen to him, he didn’t try to make moves, not even once gave him the stupid fucking creeper vibe so many others had. Maybe, just maybe, someone like him could save Gerard from his own pit of doom. Maybe, he could walk into the rutty closet he had himself locked in and fix the chipping moldy walls, breaking them down and building them anew with bright colors. Then he’d fix that broken light and give him a muse, a new sight for living again.

It was stupid to play a broken man on some random person he still had yet to have open up to him, but Gerard knew that even Allen wouldn’t come between them. Or he hoped.

He began daydreaming, or maybe actually dreaming, he couldn’t tell the difference when he zoned out the way he does.Cool, crisp wind burning his nose as he sat out in the same familiar pasture, but instead of it being a wide open field, bushes surrounded him with bold, glorious roses stuck in each branch. Trees overpowered the sunlight cascading shadows, raining their arms down upon Gerard like a familiar comfort. A blissed out smile came to his lips, the ground inviting him in like a familiar blanket. The sun rained down upon him kissing his skin revealed in a blown out button down, the only piece of clothing he wore, in tender little pecks, coloring the fairness of his skin with soft, brown, bronze.

It was interrupted by a sudden darkness taking over the little bit of light reaching into his eyelids. He peeled his eyes open when Frank leaned over him with lidded eyes, pressing his lips to Gerard’s in a heated, tender kiss. His full soft lips covered his smaller, thinner ones with a perfect fit. He groaned in reply reaching his long fingers up to tangle in his wavy wisps of hair bringing him down on top of him. Vines roped around the two men trapping them in their embrace discarding them of the thin, flushed clothes they wore together. His inked hand, though rough, scraped against the baby soft skin of his chest-

He was in the middle of a fabulous dream, until of course, his doorbell shrilled waking him in the midst of said moment.

It was a completely shitty fucking day for Frank. First, he spilled wine all over his stupid fucking collar shirt Jake had him wear for the lunch date they planned together at some overrated restaurant that wasted nearly two hundred dollar on reservations for two. Second, Jake never showed up even after Frank left him exasperated voicemails hoping he’d pick up. His stomach tightened with the gut wrenching feeling something was wrong. He up and walked out after paying for a ludicrous sixty dollar bill for some wine on sale at Walmart for a sixth of that price. He drove through the stormy weather running inside, soaked head to toe after walking six blocks after not being able to find a parking spot.

He didn’t recognize Allen’s car parked on the curb, too focused on getting inside before he caught another case of pneumonia. 

“Fwoosh!” The door swung open bouncing off the wall, “Fuck, Al’! Daddy!” The high pitched cries of his lover rang throughout the house striking him silent. Frank could hear the slapping of skin against skin and the bed shrieking in protest. His feet became cement becoming even more difficult to move along the carpet unable to believe the predicament he found himself in. “You dirty little slut, Gerard’s not as good as you.” 

That was Allen. Gerard’s manager was fucking boning his boyfriend! Even worse, Gerard had slept with him!

With that he hustled into the bedroom finding Jake, ass up, wrists bound behind his back, ankles strapped down by a tight leather belt. He was face down into the bed gasping out obscenities for the world to hear. Allen wearing just his suit jacket had his thick, wrinkly dick shoved all the way inside him cum dripping onto the sheets they owned. The same bed he and Frank made love in. Sweat rolled down his structured shoulders, his rapid motions of his hips halting mid thrust when he heard Frank enter. Jake was left chest pressed into the bed whining, smirking to himself at the unending pleasure reaching into his soul. “Baby, you gonna tease me-” He turned to look at Allen with sultry eyes, that emotion quickly leaving him when he spotted Frank over Allen’s shoulder. The elder gentleman stared at Frank with an unashamed smirk, pulling out of his boyfriend with a slick, wet pop. Frank couldn’t move, his russet eyes boring into his… lovers. Ex-lover’s eyes. Shock swirled in his dark eyes, mouth open as he turned quickly onto his back, crossing his legs to hide his thick leaking erection rubbing up on his stomach.

“Jake,” Frank began. Thick beads of sweat bloomed on his forehead, lower lip wobbling from the turmoil rising inside him. Betrayal was written on his face when Allen finally broke the tension like a four hundred dollar hunting knife. “So sorry you had to find out like this,” He began as he sat next to Jake undoing his bonds, “it’s been happening for a long while now, not much to your, or Gerard’s knowledge…” “The- the restaurant!” Frank gasped in a painful pant. “You missed it - o-our anniversary-”

Jake wanted to reach up to him to comfort his lover. His fingers twitched in his lap elbow flexing as he lifted his arm, quickly placing it back down his mouth closing now in a line. “Oh, your anniversary was next week, huh?” Allen sighed with faux empathy turning to look at Jake, taking his hand in his. “So sorry, you said you didn’t have plans…” “I forgot.” He said quickly, dark eyes carding between Allen’s cool gaze, back to Frank’s panicked one. He looked like someone who just escaped the mental asylum. 

His hair damp in wavy, messy, frizzy knots a dark red stain covering the front of his shirt, everything on him wet and clinging to his inked skin in random dirty patches. His doe like eyes were even wider and crazed rage and hurt winding through him. When his mind caught up it started taking over for him. “Fuck you- fucking- fuck you!” Frank cried throwing the nearest thing to him, an alarm clock, at the both of them. It hit Allen directly in the head knocking him back on the bed. Jake jumped to his feet crying out in alarm, “Frank!” He reached for him just in time to avoid another tossed object - a glass plate his mother given him. It hit the wall behind him splintering into little porcelain shards all over the carpet. “You hurt him!” He ran to Allen, a bleeding gash forming on his forehead. 

Somewhere deep inside Frank enjoyed seeing the two of them an ugly destroyed mess. It was nothing close to how he felt on the inside, or what they deserved. “You tell your Gerard boy,” Allen croaked, looking at Frank pointedly with dark eyes. “He’s fired.” Frank gritted his teeth hissing between them, “Good. I’ll go see him next.” He stormed out to the door seeing nothing but red. Red for Allen, red for Jake, red for the life he was finally building for himself.

Finally, red for Gerard who was fucking his boss. Maybe the papers were true, whoring himself out for fame. Typical. That explains how Jake finally got started. He abandoned his car stomping off to Gerard’s, a good few miles away. His despairing emotions swam within him taking the wheel of any common sense he had and throwing it all away. Face to face with Gerard’s door he rang the doorbell.

Well, punched it will be better said. His knuckle between his middle finger and pointer finger split, the doorbell ringing out repeatedly until there was movement. A tired, confusing looking Gerard in tight pants and a loose fitting tank top came to view. He knuckled his eyes obviously having just woken up. “Frank?” He wondered aloud his eyebrows furrowing once his hand was out of the way. He gazed upon the shorter man with concern before his fist connected right to Gerard’s little button nose sending him charging back in complete shock.

“You stupid fucking whore, is that how you got to fame? Fucking to the top? You and Allen?” Frank seethed with rage grabbing him by the shirt, forcing him to his back. Gerard collided with the carpet with a pained hiss before Frank straddled him, slapping him with what felt like all the force his petite body could hold. “Your little fuckbuddy was fucking my boyfriend!” Another painful hit, this time to his chest. Gerard groaned in pain at the sudden loss of breath wiggling his hips. 

In a desperate attempt he tossed him off causing him to fall and hit the crown of his head against one of the legs of Gerard’s table. He turned onto his hands and knees trying to catch his breath while Frank was at his weakest right now clinging to the back of his head. Gerard’s vision swam tears of pain, blood, and whatever was left of his dignity running down his face. “I-I-...” Gerard tried every time he took in a hitching, painful breath. “Didn’t… Allen… Fuggin’... Prick.” He fell to his chest with another pained moan allowing himself to lie there in his own sorrows not sure if he was heartbroken, angry, or impressed with Frank’s power.

Frank was watching him as Gerard just lied there taking a look at his broken nose. Shit. Gerard’s nose, once straight, was now bent at an awkward position and his upper lip split right in the middle. “I’m not a whore.” Gerard whispered, the sadness feeling leaking through. “You could’ve fooled me.” Frank replied getting to his feet, grabbing Gerard by his shirt yanking him up to his feet. The pornstar stumbled one way, catching himself on the arm of the couch looking to Frank now for the first time. The drowning dejected gaze upon his face made Frank freeze, second guessing his actions. Gerard looked so beautifully broken. Taking his face gingerly in his face, ignoring the way Gerard flinched away, he kissed him ever so softly on his broken lips. With a mix of tears and flesh, Gerard complied as gentle as a baby’s whisper his hands limp at his sides. He didn’t question anymore, instead, he let Frank deepen it until his tongue was exploring the inside of his tainted mouth tasting the mix of grime and whiskey. 

Their tongues danced together as their lips moved the perfect tango, in sync, something he’d never had before in a kiss. It was so deliberate, so slow. It was sinful, the way Frank didn’t mind the share of blood between them. He discarded the anger previously pulling back to look at him now, the apology in his face. Both men shared a gaze, unsure of what to say or what to do about the awkward situation. Instead, Frank sat him down on the couch fetching a frozen bag of peas and a wet rag, cleaning up the mess he’d made. He touched along his face as if he was caring for a three hundred year old sculpture that would break beneath his touch. Gerard let himself feel comforted for now, until they could possibly talk out the earth shattering, heartbreaking statements and actions presented tonight.

He closed his eyes against the tears in his eyes. Frank never questioned them, just swiped them away with a gentle touch.


	15. Chapter 15

“I’m so, so sorry.” Frank told him once again for the fifteenth time over a cup of coffee. Gerard just shrugged not really sure how to reply to such an apology. The worst is over with for now, he thought gravely. “So Allen was…” He began in a softer tone, not sure what to make of all of this news. It was like a train rammed right into his body knocking him off his feet. Maybe Frank did that when he tackled him down like he had. “Did you know?” Frank questioned, looking up at Gerard with those honey hazel eyes overtaking Gerard’s train of thought.

He reminisced about the charcoal pencils waiting to be used on the blank canvas. His eyes wandered along his round upturned eyes and the way they looked every time he blinked. The way his lashes created the appearance of bags beneath his beautiful eyes. Maybe a soft swirl of gold beneath a darkened black charcoal could possibly remake their appearance. Though the real, physical thing was much better than anything else he could attempt to recreate.

Shaking his head he faced Frank with a deep, worried frown. “I didn’t know. He’s just my manager. Nothing else.” He said an unsaid finality ringing through the two men. “Or was.” The words drifted around them swirling around like a patronizing voice he imagined all in his head. Frank felt sympathetic for Gerard if not just part time relieved that now he wouldn’t have to worry about anything else for a while. He could escape fame’s eyes. Escape their cruel glare upon him shunning parts of his body he could grow to love.

Little did Frank know that there would be more of an uproar than ever now.

Gerard’s nose was still pretty sore to the touch, the under part of his eye swelling to form a lumpy purple mass. Frank hated the way even painfully aware of all the damage he’d done, he was still blind to how attractive he was. “Well, hey, we can find you another job…” Frank said, putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked at him, his pouty lips forming a kind, half hearted smile. “Yeah, but I don’t need it right away. I could retire with everything in my bank account.” Gerard, though pained, smiled in return flashing his teeth.

Frank’s grin grew as he hugged Gerard into his side softly rubbing the pad of his thumb along the other male’s upper arm leaving a burning sensation along his milky white skin. It was hard to escape the lingering sadness beforehand, but with Frank here, he felt he could do anything. It eliminated any possibilities he could have for a negative emotion. He didn’t care that he’d lost his job, or that just a few minutes ago Frank had tried to rip him a new one, if not rip him limb from limb. He didn’t care they had to pop his nose back into place and the way Frank was sorrowful for another.

Frank. Frank. Frank. It was all about him.

Breathing out a comfortable sigh he fell against him, his head in Frank’s lap of his folded legs. He rested peacefully with his eyes closed not expecting anything else than to just rest. His hair covered Frank’s dark pants like a sudden streak of blood inviting Frank to just stroke it. Touch it. Touch me, he thought biting his lower lip at the thought. The destructive kiss still lingered on and inside his mouth, the bitter taste of tears hidden behind his spit. “Frank?” Gerard asked just as small hands starting going through his hair. Inked up fingers rubbed at his scalp relaxing every tense part of his body before Frank, just a few centimeters away, replied in a husky whisper, “Yes?” Fluttering his eyes opened he found Frank hovering little ways above him, his eyes a smoldering ray of sunshine to him. “Why did you kiss me like that?” Gerard demanded tenderly bringing a hand up to ever so softly trace around his sculptured jawline. “Like you actually loved me? Do you have feelings for me?”

The question brought Frank up short. Did he have feelings for Gerard? Sure, he was beautiful and he cared to an extant. “It’s okay if you don’t.” Gerard continued on his eyes closed once more brushing his head back up against Frank’s hand trying to keep him going. “I’m used to meaningless kisses.” Frank was about to ask what he meant when Gerard told him, “Play with my hair some more.”

The hospital hallways never ceased to make Gerard uncomfortable, stretching on and on until there was miles left to walk through. Patients limping by carrying an IV pole to keep them alive, loving the little bit of life they still had left in them. The only freedom they’ve come to know is the four walls that still surround them provide shelter, a way for them to just go up and down the floors cautiously studying every little tile their bodies have come accustom too.

Counting each one until their eyes finally drifted shut and their heart stops beating. There’d be a few of them, if they were lucky enough, their sickness would grant them a reason to go home to die. They’d spend their last forty eight hours patrolling the park down the street they never had the joy of taking a part in. Mikey would die in this hospital, not knowing that Gerard was there with him the whole time. That he would now continue to be living there until his own final days. How would Mikey feel if he knew his elder brother was going to attempt the same fate he had?

It didn’t matter, Gerard thought, Mikey wasn’t alive. Sure, his brain was, but that was all left of him. A muscle, an organ, damaged beyond repair too traumatized by the drugs he’d taken. He wasn’t as fine as he made himself out to be. Somewhere within the cage of his chest he could feel that distraught knife twisting deeper and deeper, though he gotten so used to pushing emotions back he almost couldn’t feel it. Almost.

The sand colored door opened with a loud creak disturbing the silence of the room, besides the obnoxious beating of Mikey’s steady heartbeat. He saw his legs before anything else, one of them twitching. It was normal to see that, giving signs that his stubborn brother was still fighting somewhere within his own safety net. He took his seat beside him taking notice of all of the flowers left by his friends and loved ones. It was his brother, is his brother. Gerard should be more open, he had no reason to hide from him.

This was the same kid who curled up in his bed when he was frightened all up until the day Gerard was forced out. The same kid he taught to ride a bike, the same exact kid who looked up at him as a hero. The same kid that let him down all those years ago. His finger’s looped through Mikey’s, brushing some of his off colored hair from his forehead. His roots were overtaking every bleached spot as it grew out, nearly touching the middle of his neck now. “You need a dye job.” He teased, leaning down to kiss his sunken cheek. “I got fired, you know.” He said softly with a tiny smile. “It’s for the better, I think.Frank is gonna help around my house, bring me some company. You won’t believe what a hectic week it’s been for all of us. Hell, a warzone of a few weeks. You won’t believe how many people came to see you. So many people love you…”

Mikey gave no sign of response, lying there like a still, breathing corpse. The bony appearance of him made Gerard shudder with horror. Mikey chose this, like Gerard had. Would people care for him like they did about Mikey? What if Mikey woke up looking for him and found nothing? To find out his older brother-

No. Gerard wasn’t gonna think of it because he made his decision. Hell, he could leave a note blaming Allen for everything. All the rape and assaults committed by the disastrous male power. It wouldn’t be worth it, he’d find a way out. Corruption was of course his middle name. “I wish you’d wake up.” He whispered sadly as he toyed with Mikey’s fingers. He lifted one by one up just to watch them heavily flop back on the thin cotton blankets they had him covered with. “I brought comics today, the X Men ones we used to share all of the time. You remember those days right?

“Where we’d sit there and laugh, or you’d encourage me to draw those characters over and over and over again? I recently started doing that again. Even drew you Wolverine, and Deadpool. I know he has nothing to do with them, but I still think he’s pretty fucking cool.” He chuckled at himself. He sounded like an over obsessed teenager all over again. At least he wasn’t drawing hentai like some other kids were these days. Not that there was anything wrong with it, exactly. If anyone could appreciate any bodyform it was him, it was just… Different to see people more open about it than he was used to.

With a quiet sigh he leaned his head against the plastic railing of the hospital bed wrapping his hand around it tightly. “You know, You’ve always been so much more stronger than I.” Gerard whispered, staring at the wall in front of him. The TV was off, silenced by the last nurse who came in. “To think you’d do this… You have these demons slowing you down from the best dream you’ve ever had… The life you worked so hard to achieve. I can’t help but to feel that… That this is partly my fault for not being there for you like I was supposed to.” His eyes flickered to Mikey. He turned his torso to stare at him bringing a leg to rest underneath the thigh of the other one. “Maybe I could have stopped all of this.”

Heaving out a heavy breath tainted with disappointment he looked back at the wall feeling the regret deep in his stomach. Its hands reached up gripping his heart in its painful claws causing tears of guilt saturate his eyes bubbling up and over down his bruised face. He hadn’t realized all the pent up emotions he kept buried and in no time he was doubled over in the cushioned chair sobbing at his brother’s bedside. What kind of brother was he to be such a hypocrite? What if Mikey did survive all of this and Gerard left again? This time permanently?

What would Frank tell him? What would the press say, how would anyone react? He knew it was a terrible idea to do what he had planned, but everything in life was temporary anyways. You lived, you made memories only a handful of people would remember and that was it. Except, in Gerard’s case, he made memories for every pervert who ever watched him jack off on camera. For every man and woman who touched him, and for every person who’d deceived him. He bit the inside of his cheek in thought giving Mikey a once over before he got up leaving the comics back on the cushions where his butt had been. Softly pecking Mikey’s cheek he walked out just in time to miss the flicker of life in Mikey. His eyelids parted watching after his brother as he left.

**  
**He’d woken up just three days ago, and already he heard the deepest parts of Gerard’s heart. Hr missed the way Mikey sat up at the torso reaching over to the comics left behind. He missed the way Mikey's thin, cracked lips peeled up into a crooked smile when he opened up the graphic pages, and finding hand drawn photos Gerard created himself, just as he’d promised. A few loose sheets drifted onto his lap staring up at him creating a childlike innocence to take him over.


	16. Chapter 16

Frank had never been so lost before in his life.

He’d lost almost everything he once owned. He lost his house, the love of his life, and any sort of courage or pride he once had. He felt it all drift away behind him as he moved his final box of clothes down to his car, slamming the back of the tailgate shut with a quick puff of air. Thank God for his job, even though he knew he’d be seeing Jake there over and over and over again. He had to work with him and he wasn’t even comfortable with seeing him do that before, he definitely didn’t want to see that now.

He leaned against his car an arm folded over the top of his head, forehead braced against it. Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes biting on his tongue. Damn him and that stupid fucking manager of his. Fuck Allen, and fuck whatever kind of relationship he and Gerard had together. He knew he was sleeping with his boss, he absolutely fucking knew it. Frank was never dumb, naive maybe, but never blind to what was going on around him.

Which is why it was no surprise when he went to go and see Gerard, Allen’s car was in the driveway. His stomach gave a sharp yank seeing the familiar white Camaro in the driveway. He sat there in the driver’s seat ready to pull back out and stay at a hotel when the front door opened and Allen waltzed out looking completely clean and proper. His hair never touched, the crisp white suit he wore unwrinkled, sharp as a knife. That gave Frank a subtle feeling of relief knowing he wasn’t gonna walk in on another fucking session just yet.

The elder man’s penetrating gaze flicked right to Frank when he caught wind of one simple movement of Frank bracing to open the door. He stopped mid step hands folded behind his back as he seemed to wait for him to get out. “Frank,” He said just as soft and as warm as an old friend. He didn’t buy it for a moment. “Just in time. I came by to give Gerard his last check. I do want to say I’m sorry for the other day…”

“You think you can just come along and say sorry?” Frank demanded feeling that built up anger coming to the surface from where he tried to bury it deep within himself. his hands clenched tightly to his sides, teeth grinding down together until he was pretty sure they’d crumble to little bits and pieces of dust and enamel. “Thanks to you two, I lost everything.” “Not exactly.” He cut in, giving Frank a nice slow look over.

He pursed his lips as he gave him a good inspection, looking at his ink, hands, then his petite body stature. It made Frank uneasy the way he was staring at him. It was like Allen was a predator and he was a piece of meat he wanted to consume. “I think you’re beautiful. Very, very beautiful in fact.”

Frank’s eyebrows shot up his heart skipping a beat from shock. He couldn’t hide the blush creeping to his cheeks now. “W-what…” He breathed out, completely knocked off guard. Allen held up a hand just as his mouth opened. He snapped it shut. “I wanna offer you a position. You can say no… But, since Jake is now one of the new ins of the business, I want to offer you as one of our actors. You can work with him, you guys would make a whole lot of money… Not only that, but you could still go another few rounds with him. Nothing romantic, all business. You could still keep fucking him, technically with stops and breaks between. I don’t think producing is what you really wanna be a part of.”

There was a tense silence between the two as Frank thought over the proposition feeling both awed, confused, and honestly, wary. He wouldn’t ever let himself be seen on TV or adult movies sleeping with other men, or women. He didn’t want to get himself conflicted as he knew he’d be. Sex wasn’t just… Sex to him, definitely not. And if he even did take the job, he knew things between him and Jake would be one sided.

It wasn’t an excuse for him to give in so easily. Gerard needed someone to be there for him especially now since it was official, he was out. Allen wanted to stir up trouble, he could see that familiar sadistic glint there twinkling in his dark brown eyes. “No.” He said, stomping a foot on the ground firmly. “No. I’m not interested. I’ll stick to being a producer. You can’t afford to lose me-”

"A director.”

Another fucking brilliant knock me off my feet moment.

“You can be a director then. I’ve seen your work, Franklin. You’re amazing.” He flashed a toothy grin to him, reaching forward to place a hand on his shoulder giving it a fatherly squeeze. “At least take me up on that offer. You get triple the pay, more flexible schedules, you’ll run the whole damn show.” Frank popped his lower lip into his mouth, nibbling on little bits of dry skin. He felt another pair of eyes on him, and he immediately looked down to the large window overshadowing the driveway and roads behind him. Gerard stared down at him with dismay, watching the interaction.

So he didn’t miss it when Allen followed his gaze winking at him in that same vindictive way.

“Don’t mind him. He’s jealous, his time in the industry is up. You and Jake Bass together, fucking or not, will make a great asset to this company.” Frank looked back at him now, his eyes wide as his heart hammered away in his chest from excitement. He would make the big bucks now, it’d be so worth it!

He looked back up at the window, once open, now covered by the thick curtains.

Gerard wasn’t jealous, was he? Bitter maybe. Never jealous.

“I’ll have to get back with you on that.” Frank breathed, walking past him to the apartment door.

He jiggled the doorknob to open up. Locked.

Great.

“Gerard.” He pat the door with his palm still continuously wiggling the knob. “I know you’re in there. Open up, yeah?” He pressed his ear to the door to listen in for any movement when the door was wrenched open with a startling pop. He fell face first into Gerard’s bare toes. “The fuck do you want? To tell me about how Allen was playing mind games with you?”

The hostility bared in his voice made him look up to the most hottest and terrifying thing he’d ever seen before in his life. His eyes blazed with fury his eyes a molting emerald green dripping onto Frank’s skin burning every part of it that they touched. He wore Star Wars pajama bottoms with an oversized hoodie with the logo crossed out in dark black sharpie. He appeared so small behind the heavy amounts of clothing. Still though, his sex appeal was never shaken.

“He offered me a good job!” Frank exclaimed rising to his feet. “I haven’t given him an answer. Why would he be playing mind games?” “Have you forgotten he fucked your boyfriend? Single handedly ruined your whole fucking life?” He moved away from the other man plopping down on his couch with a leathery sound of protest. It crinkled beneath his round ass, hugging it beneath his pants. “I haven’t forgotten that.” Frank said, though for a fleeting moment, he’d forgotten it completely.

“He said Jake and I would make the company, especially with me as a director-” “Oh, because you spent your whole life jerking off to porn you think you can do movies?” He squared his jaw, arms folded across his chest. Frank couldn’t find his answer to overdrawn to how absolutely, devastatingly beautiful he really looked right now. He just stared, finding the anger in him calming to a minor little wave on his stormy beach. “No, I. Gee, I didn’t forget.”

He sat down on the oak coffee table holding the edge of it, his eyes softer. “I know he’s done wrong, Gee. I know he does wrong. I don’t trust him, but. This is triple the pay. I have no place to live right now, this is the best thing for me.” He glanced down at his lap chewing on the inside of his cheek swallowing the lump forming in his throat. “You can’t hate me for doing something good for myself.”

Gerard found himself stumped now as to what to say next because no matter how mad he was, that was the truth. He didn’t want anyone else upset with him when he did something for himself, either. He was more concerned with Frank’s overall safety, especially when it came to Allen. “Look,” Gerard sighed leaning back, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger biting the corner of his lower lip. Frank watched expectantly looking to him with the most devastating kicked-a-puppy-dog expression. “I own this place, there’s more than enough room, and seeing as how you need to get to your feet, you could move in-” Frank launched himself at him hugging his neck before he could get the rest of the sentence out.

“I’ll pay rent, I’ll earn my keep-” His voice and useless ramblings were muffled in Gerard’s sweatshirt causing his lips to slowly pull into a full smile digging his face into his hair breathing in his own excitement now. He wouldn’t be alone.


End file.
